Wrong! You're crazy-strong, you're a superhero. You got handed the dirtiest of dirty diapers, yet you're still here, you're still being a great mom to your kids, you're still living responsibly, you're still putting food on the table -- that takes incredible strength.
Infidelity is the worst pain you can face, and because of your status as a co-parent and the age of your kids, you're going to keep getting your band aid ripped off again and again.
I was listening to a radio therapist the other day who was talking about the fact that in this country, if we feel we're living a good life and doing the right things, we don't expect to suffer, yet sometimes you can be forced to suffer despite your best efforts.
She suggested that rather than fighting your pain you embrace it. Tell yourself you want to feel as badly as you can right now, bring it on, then wallow in it. Doing so will actually help you come out the other side faster. I found this quote to that effect:
"You may be tempted to try and forge past it, numbing the pain with rebound sex or a date with a gallon of ice cream. Or you may harden your heart and swear off all future relationships. But that's the cowardly approach, and one that won't serve you well in the long run. It takes a lot of courage to be sad, but a fantastic life is not one that is placidly happy. With grieving comes increased awareness: of what's truly important to you; whom you love; who loves you. Of course, no one wants to feel that way, but if you allow [the sadness] to teach you, it actually will resolve faster than any effort to fight it.
What I read also recommends steering clear of the self-help section:
Bookstore shelves are crammed with books that say, "This is your fault. You created this situation by the way you thought, or by carrying forward childhood wounds". But that's not true. "Don't try to come up with reasons on why it happened and how to prevent it from happening again. Allow yourself to feel heartbreak—that's what actually gets us over it."
KG have you allowed yourself to be really sad? Have you allowed yourself to be really angry? Have you tried embracing it rather than trying to push through it?
Break some glass, have a tantrum, destroy some furniture you don't like. Smash something with a sledgehammer. Embrace it -- but never think that you are where you are because you're not strong enough or not good enough. NO ONE could handle your situation well, it just [censored] from all angles.
Accuray
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
