I will ask her about the parallel lives and how she sees it.
Yes, the spark was gone and I am part of that. I ignored her and she the same. I didn't seek out someone to fill that void. I think she should have worked on us through communication before making that leap.
All great comments 25years.
I was NOT defending her affair (I was simply imagining her saying what I've heard countless cheating spouses say...)
PLUS you said that normally she's a loyal woman and this is out of character for her. So to ME, IF she has already justified the A, that means SHE believes there were problems in the marriage not all of her making...with me so far?
SO to demand she end the affair AND NOT ALSO say "w, I shall also be changing to meet your previously unmet needs...you are not being asked to do all the changing for this m", isn't going to be as successful as you taking on SOME of the responsibility for you two being here. I think you get that. But, here's a novel factor to consider.
Your view of your wife before this, sounds as if you held a high opinion of her, which is good news, MOSTLY...but My guess is that a part of her, maybe way down deep by now, feels like a different 'not so good' person...so there will be shame.
SOMETIMES shame converts into passive aggressive withdrawals of affection OR it converts into blaming you
OR it just stays and does not get processed...which is really bad news...
It's EASY to forget this when you are in your position b/c you are reeling in pain, (and I know you are & I feel very bad for you),
but HER EGO is about to take a beating. It probably already has. When the WAS gets caught, it's not a smooth experience...and when those boundaries are set on them (and the laws in that state are NOT too helpful to their position) AND they face the wreckage their choice is creating, it can be devastating.
I know of 2 suicides that happened after such an ordeal.
(One happened to a WAW on this site and that's a crazy thing to mention, but there IS fallout to consider).
So, PART of your solution plan has to include steps she CAN take that are not akin to climbing Mt Everest, and a sense that you are in this solution based approach, together.
Make sense?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
