Compliments & Passive Aggressiveness..Work to do!

[25yearsmlc]

per the book you think it THE ANSWER, in the introductory materials themselves,

here's what hit ME...
*

AND the issue of pleasing others leads one to ask WHY you'd do that. It's not all about being altruistic. IT's often conflict avoidant personalities (most people are conflict avoidant BUT work it out b/c they know problems ignored do not go away.)

OR it's an insecurity. OR a desire for a simplified world view, where it's like Life is a math problem, "If I do x & y, wife will stay."

So, which part sticks out to YOU? The obvious one where it's just YOU being "too nice a guy",

or the other part, where being conflict avoidant and "dutiful"

(b/c that always guarantees happiness & therefore, being a nice guy will MAKE your w come back...)

leads to resentment, a judgmental nature and lashing out??

(Think about the 'noobs' you dismissed here. I'd never seen the word used here, but I guess it's based on...what? "NEWBIES?")

I feel as if You ask for help but if it's not the help you want, you put it down. I know, you apologized.

But I think there's something to how you interact, within these posts, that is NOT working for you well now. THAT has to change.

When we discuss GAL, you come up with reasons for NOT Doing it, and you make it seem as if they're noble reasons. OR that the need for GAL w/other people is "small talk" and not important.

But the fact is, you are NOT - DOING much different. It seems to take you forever to DO a new behavior, w/endless requests for help in doing it exactly right.

I have to admit, the "How to compliment your w" was an amazing piece to read & give you feedback for. I spent a lot of time on it.

I gave you (and SuckerPunch) detailed instructions on it, which YOU later repeated elsewhere to...to teach others???... MY question was not why you posted it at length and implied that you had "learned" it now. MY question was, "So how did you NEW complimenting style work?" But my guess is, you have not done it yet...

Seems you'd rather research 100 OTHER sources to avoid DOING something new.

And to me, the approach you seem to be taking, (Laurie's words and our advice aside), is to DO...Not a lot.

What I see you "doing" is you

Wait, watch, analyze, wait some more, post some more, read some more, analyzie some more, post some more, and wait again...the only actions are to be in your w's physical space a bit more and WATCH and or to touch her non sexually and WATCH for reactions...

your life needs more going on IN it, imo.

You have to change it up.

If that means leaving the board and DOING stuff for awhile, so be it.

Good Luck SM, seriously, we all wish you well.


PS, IMO,

Opening another business is NOT called GAL. It's called working.