Right after his last email (my 1st post in this thread) in late January, he went to see an apartment and filling out an application. Then early Feb, his grandpa he (everyone) loves dearly went unconscious we were asked to come up to see him. My H who received the news from his mom called me at work and I could tell right away he was crying. I calmed and comforted him the best I could over the phone and we all went to see him later that day together. This grandpa is really extraordinary. No one can remember the last time he was angry. He was always laughing and joking and he’s just the most likable old guy I’ve ever known. His wife on the other hand is completely opposite. We can only remember her being mad at him but the dynamic worked for them. In fact it worked for them so well that they had been married over 60 years. Although it hurt seeing him in the state, it was more painful to see her by his side completely confused and sad. She kept walking to the bedroom where he was sleeping just to tell him “I love you, please open eyes one more time” It absolutely broke my heart. It broke everyone’s hearts. Few days later beloved grandpa passed away very peacefully.
Since this day my fear of touching my H and being affectionate to him was gone. (I’ve been so scared of even touching him since BD) His grandpa reminded me again how precious a life is. I can’t remember how many times I hugged him since this day til today. Whatever the situation we are in, I do not want to regret not letting him know that I love and care about him so much. Instead of not being able to tell him I love him, I hug him every morning now before he goes to work. Call me delusional but I feel somewhat closer to him. He hugs me back every time I hug him. It might not mean anything on his end but at least I feel closer and that’s all I can cherish right now. I know he’s still planning on leaving soon but the weird tension we had before is fading. I hope to carry this atmosphere until he leaves.
Rest peacefully, grandpa. Give us both strengths to get through this.
M37 H36 M8 T12 inc 3yr L-dist 7/12:H broke down 10/12:H dad D frm W4. BD soon after 1/13:H wants to leave 2/13:H gpa passed. Feels closer but H still leaving 3/13: S begins
