Wife lost in the MLC-We are now separated 2

[sam4nh]

I had a meeting with my W last night. She texted and wanted to have dinner to talk about things. I agreed to meet her at a local restaurant.

She started out with that she was sorry about my grandmother passing away. Then within two minutes (not exaggerating) she jumped into discussing the divorce agreement. She kept asking if I wanted to know if she needed to file as an individual or joint filing. I said that I wanted to have the L to review the document to ensure that I was covered and that I agreed to what was in it before signing.

I explained that I had just met with my new L on Monday and brought him the document for him to review. She immediately said that I was having him do my negotiation and that she wanted us to “Be Adults” and discuss the terms and for just us to come to an agreement. She was okay if I had a lawyer involved but, she wants to negotiate direct with me. I am not a good negotiator and she knows this. Even my therapist said, I get to the point where I just give up and give my W what she wants. That my W will use crying and screaming to make me feel bad and I then give in to what she wants. So this made me feel she was "bullying me" into getting what she wanted in the document. I said several times I wanted the L to review the document and provide me recommendations/responses before I would agree/sign any documents. She jumped to that she really wanted to know if I would file jointly or did she have to have me served the papers. I said since I had just talked to the L on Monday that I would need a few days. She said fine.


She then said suddenly I’m sorry it’s come to this..I do miss you. I asked “Why do you miss me”? She responded with companionship and sharing things with me. I do miss that. I really screwed this up and said, this was your decision and I miss that too. I had the opportunity to validate her and I did not do as much as I could have during our discussion.

How I said she cut me off (not texting/calling). She explained that she was trying to be clear that she doesn’t want to have no relationship with me. She said that if I didn't want to have any relationship with her she would respect that. Could I have anything to do with her? I said time will tell. Again I missed the opportunity to validate her feelings. I said I was saddened that it has come to this and still don’t understand why it’s come to this and time will tell where we will be with our R. She went on to ask about whether I could do things with her like take dogs for a walk or something. Would it be possible and I said anything is possible.

I jokingly said you could hate me in a month. She said she hoped not. Then she went to what would be my housing situation if she bought the house. She would probably finalize the refinancing in May. She said she could probably get out of the lease of the condo. She said even if the closing happened in May, we could make an agreement between us that I would continue living in the house until October when her lease is up. Or she could time the refinance the house until October if we agreed to that solution and I would still have to pay half the house cost. She wanted to know if she could come to the house to work during the day. She said she could also visit the animals more often and maybe work on projects around the house as the weather get better. I said I would need to think about that, since I don’t see this as detachment, but her hanging on to see what I was doing at the house.

She then went on about her stock options and whether I felt that it was fair that she is being made to give me money for her options that she earned. I knew this was a rat hole conversation and I said I did not want to discuss any more as I’m not versed on the laws in our state to debate the issue. She kept asking the same question over and over a different way to see if I would change my answer. She said her L said she was not obligated to turn over earnings to me. I said I wanted to have my L recommend the best course of action. I kept saying I did not want to get into this battle with her on something I did not have enough knowledge of, but if she wanted to discuss with both our L, I was fine with that.

I suck at this, and keep failing to validate as much as I should when we are talking. I get so caught up with my hurt and anger that I don’t manage what I am saying. I have to say I did better, but still did not feel very good.

I know I need to work on my delivery when talking to her. I think I definitely sounded like the mother figure when I was explaining that I had seen (retained) a L and that any discussions around the divorce documents, sale of house, etc. would need to be reviewed by prior to my agreeing or sign it. I always feel so F*ing stressed, scared and incapable during these discussions.

There are 86,400 seconds given to us every day. At the end of the day, they’re gone and we can never get these back. I spent probably 10000 of those seconds last night being frustrated and angry. Was it worth it, what did I accomplish? Not as much as I would like.