Of course not. That's the problem with things like the pill guy and the [*] philosophy. Every situation is different despite what they would like you to believe. In fact, studies have shown that A's happen all the time in marriages where everything is great. Some women like the "nice guy" while others want to be challenged. You can't apply a one-size-fits-all solution to ALL women. Just like how there are different types of men. Not all women are attracted to the 'bad boy' and vice versa. You're just confusing yourself.
Alright. I'm going to really lay out my sitch for you. First 8 years of R/M...great R. My H has said this multiple times in the last 3 months. He has recannted his "Maybe I never loved you"'s. Well...when he is not angry. The man had multiple As. Just sex according to him and he always loved me and knew he didn't want a D and desparately worked to keep this from me. We really did have a great R. Of course we both had the annoying things that you just overlook because you are in love. Then we had kids. Things were still very good, but there were starting to be cracks. I focused too much on them, but in 2011 we really made and effort to be more focused on each other. Then, for 3 months. Yep, only 3 months starting in March 2012 until he began this last A in June, I withdrew emotionally. He had lied to me about something, and I had trouble moving past it. We still ML a minimum of 2 times a week, but I just wasn't as into it. I wasn't as affectionate. Honestly, I thought I had fallen out of love with him. I snapped out of it in August and read up on falling back in love, started working on me, etc. He let himself open up emotionally to OW...and here we are.
I could sit here and be a victim. Trust me, even he would co-sign that in his most lucid moments. My friends and family STILL are annoyed I'm not. But that won't change anything. There are things I can change, things that I don't like about myself, things I had been doing that I can now see had lead us on a course for trouble. H has even said, had he not cheated before, my behavior wouldn't have "caused" him to cheat, we wouldn't be this close to D, etc.
Stop waiting around to see if this is going to end. Stop reading up on everything. TAKE ACTION!!! THIS IS WHY YOU KEEP GETTING THE SAME ADVICE FROM EVERYONE!!
