Since then, I had first phone session with Jodi a couple days ago and she had some good tips, but now I'm confused by the outcome...
My H moved out abruptly almost 8 months ago. We haven't had a lot of communication since then, mostly from his end, so I've been kind of following the 180 and NC by default.
Jodi said to be consistent in my dealings with him - don't be angry one time, crying next time, nice the next time. Okay I can do that... she also said to be friendly, or more specifically "neighborly". He attended a concert for our daughter last Saturday so after I hung up with Jodi I reached out to H and sent him a neighborly text, how'd he like the concert (our daughter was a featured soloist). He replied and we had a couple text exchanges then he said "you deserve a big congratulations!! You put a lot of time, effort, patience and love to make that happen. Thank you. You're an amazing mother". And I replied "thank you so much. our daughters are a credit to both of us".
My head is spinning, because we've had no contact or angry/sad contact for the past 8 months and now he was being very generous with a compliment.
Then he sent a couple benign texts today about his car & daughter again.
MY CONFUSION is, normal texting feels like I'm permitting his abandonment. Feels like I'm making it SO easy to push me firmly aside and for him to pat himself on the back and say "see? it turned out okay and we can still be friends". But, as Jodi said, friendship is an improvement on our relationship as it stands now. And friendship will either 1) help with his relationship with daughters or 2) be something to build on in our relationship.
I totally understand that, but am having a really hard time removing my heart from the scenario and reconciling my brain to continue in "friend mode".
