I think your plan is actually a good one. You just need to realize that it does NOT have to all be implemented at once, and some of it may NEVER need to. Other than immediately protecting your finances and finding out your legal rights and responsibilities, there's nothing you really HAVE to do right now (although very soon you will have to confront your wife with your "I will not live in an open marriage" talk, and to let her know of the financial moves you have made. You should NOT tell her about any legal meetings you have).
You have the "benefit" (and I realize that's a weird term, considering ...) of the fact that your wife DOESN'T KNOW THAT YOU KNOW, so you can "hide things in your heart" as the Good Book says, and seek additional counsel as you tweak your plan. There is much to be said for "shock-and-awe," but I was more of a FDR, "let's give her 3 more days before we drop the 2nd bomb" guy. There was fallout from that decision, but I sincerely was hoping that my wife would turn from her destructive path that she was on. There are pro's and con's to both approaches.
Zip up your finances and your legal knowledge, and play things cool at home for now. Recharge your batteries . . . you will need them, trust me.
Starsky
Starsky, Thanks for that! I do have my legal matters in order and will only be used as an emergency parachute. I have yet to talk to a DB coach as I may go see my counselor who has been working with us for 3 months. She is not aware of the A. Still weighing my options there.
I am sure there will be fall out. As someone pointed out, she is running and this will certainly not sit well at first. I know this; I need to stop paying for her affair ( trainer, gym, nails, hair and even some of the clothing ). The issue will be that she ties her new found back health, a rightfully so, to the work her trainer has done. So, she will look at me as the ogre who may be taking away her pain free back. That is a sad consequence of what has to be done. If she doesn’t want to leave the A in time, then comes in the ultimatum that is discussed in Chapter 12 of DR.
