I have not replied. He blew this WAY out of proportion.
Did he? I was getting annoyed at you just reading that as an innocent bystander!! What is up with all the confrontational and passive/ aggressive comments? YOU did as much to spoil this convo as he did! The two of you have truly mastered the art of pushing each others' buttons. And both of you emerge with the thought that you did everything right while the other blew things "way out of proportion". Has this been a pattern in your marriage? I bet it has. But here's the deal- YOU are on these forums so YOU have to be the one to break the pattern. YOU need to recognize the harm you are causing to your R with H in these crazy exchanges and YOU need to change the dynamic.
Quote:
I'm not going to answer anything today - I've already let him take up to much of my emitional wel being this morning.
No, you did that yourself. He has no control over your emotions unless you allow it. Read this post by Peanut on detachment:
Detachment is critical to the process of altering and repairing a relationship.
Attached, we take personally all that is said, not said, done and not done.
Our ego gets wounded and we are more inclined to those actions that will undermine our very best chances of accomplishing our goals.
We cannot control the actions of another. We are, however, responsible for our own actions. We are responsible for our own happiness.
If we are detached from the actions of another, we can meet anger or indifference with love. Met with love we are in a position to diffuse the situation and transform it in a way that will be in alignment with our goals.
On the flipside, detachment allows us to play it cool when we do get a positive reaction from our spouse. It is a way to break the distance/pursuer cycle.
Detachment is not withdrawal. It is not the mind saying, ‘I am not getting what I want so I must pull back.’
It is the natural acceptance that I am alone responsible for how I act. I cannot control another person, but I can control how I respond to them."
