I think your plan is actually a good one. You just need to realize that it does NOT have to all be implemented at once, and some of it may NEVER need to. Other than immediately protecting your finances and finding out your legal rights and responsibilities, there's nothing you really HAVE to do right now (although very soon you will have to confront your wife with your "I will not live in an open marriage" talk, and to let her know of the financial moves you have made. You should NOT tell her about any legal meetings you have).
You have the "benefit" (and I realize that's a weird term, considering ...) of the fact that your wife DOESN'T KNOW THAT YOU KNOW, so you can "hide things in your heart" as the Good Book says, and seek additional counsel as you tweak your plan. There is much to be said for "shock-and-awe," but I was more of a FDR, "let's give her 3 more days before we drop the 2nd bomb" guy. There was fallout from that decision, but I sincerely was hoping that my wife would turn from her destructive path that she was on. There are pro's and con's to both approaches.
Zip up your finances and your legal knowledge, and play things cool at home for now. Recharge your batteries . . . you will need them, trust me.
