***You're confusing "transparency" with "boundaries." You're in no position to demand transparency right now, not until SHE says she is willing to end her affair, and asks you what it will take to return to work on the marriage. SHE IS FLEEING FROM YOU right now, Engine, and from your marriage. If you start demanding things, most will backfire.
You SHOULD, however, decide what your short, core list of personal "boundaries of personal integrity" are, and ask for those. In my sitch, it was "no texting or calling OM from inside of our family's home, no calling or texting him in front of our kids from ANYWHERE, no leaving the boys home alone for extended periods of time, unsupervised and unfed, while you go meet with OM, and no squandering of the family's finances on her affair. These are for YOU and YOUR KIDS, not to be controlling of HER. Think "Papabear" and his cubs.
NO-CONTACT and TRANSPARENCY will come later, if and only if she asks you "What will it take?" to return to the marriage to reconcile.
Golden ^^^^^^
The only thing I can tell you, is that confronting her does NOT mean the same as a full exposure of things.
Confronting her only means that YOU are not carrying the weight of her choices and decisions.
Why should you carry around her secrets ????
Why should you pay for her choice of 'playing' outside of the marriage ???
I also suggest that your plan is well laid out, in a way that you don't punish her. It isn't your place to punish her for anything, and it will never be...
Pick and choose your words carefully
Make sure that you have the purest of intentions, without standing on a Moral soapbox.
I like your plan so far, just needs a little more defined toward your intentions...
