And the Beat Goes On...

[ericmsant2]

Frankly I am trying to be a little supportive about her making a good decision about looking for a better job, because it would benefit D2 overall. I also believe that D2 having 2 parents around would be the most beneficial, but realize that it may have a cost, to myself. I will not do it if it will affect D2 negatively. I also will not do it if it increases my daycare payments as my finances are already tight.

Tested, I agree that having two parent around is a good thing; however, both parents should be responsible and put the childs needs first (I am not saying you are not doing that).

I have noticed that this is a pattern for her though of making impulsive decisions that bite her in the butt later. Now they are affecting D2 with not having a permanent place to live and possibly Ex not affording Daycare.

This is the point that I was trying to make…..You xw had made some poor choices – not YOU and NOT your D. Your W may not have a permanent place to live right now and may not be able to afford health care as a result of the choices that she made. Is the instability of the life that XW has right now better for YOUR D or is YOUR home better? I am not saying to take your D from your XW – nope – I am saying what is in D2 best interest. Consider this…what if she moved 70 miles away with your D and her “impulsive” behavior continues?

We would meet in the town in between and switch there. Car time for D2 would be 1 hr a week tops.

That would work potentially for a while but it may get old. An hour though is not too long. Are you guys doing week on week off or do you exchange during the week (sorry I don’t remember if you posted that)?

The only thing that it would do is put a 3 yr timetable for me to move to the same town if I want 50/50 to continue as D2 will be in school by that time and I know by then she should have at least a permanent town to live in.

Do you want to move in 3 yrs? Doesn’t she have a permanent town to live in now….with you.

I will talk to a therapist about this immediately and a lawyer

Good move. Remember the L works for YOU and the therapist should work for your D2. The comment bout a therapist saying that 50/50 is not healthy is bull! It is a fact that children benefit most from spending equal time with BOTH parents.

I feel really conflicted and confused right now on the best possible course of action to take.

I feel ya bro. I know this confused and conflicted feeling. What about D, what about XW, what about me….all the scenarios running around your head. IMO, you need to do what is really in the best interest of your D. To do that you must first figure out what “best interest” means to YOU. Is a stable home the most important thing, is being with her mom more important, what role do you play, etc. I think the therapist will help you sort that out. I would only caution you NOT to make a choice based on a (small as it may be) expectation that somehow this will help show your XW. I know you say that you do not have any expectation…I have feeling that somewhere deep inside of you…is that small piece of hope that maybe you two will reconnect. I think this is normal and hell part of me hopes a family could be restored; however, that small piece (if it does exist) should NOT drive your choice. What should drive it is what is really good for YOUR D2 and YOU. Your XW made her choice….allow her to learn from them.

Good luck man…and I know you’ll end up doing what is good for you and D2.

God Bless,
Eric