Diving in with my eyes closed

[2chiquitos]

First off, thank you l'infidele for sharing this. It really helps to see some clarity among all this and your experience helps, a lot! I have some questions about what you did.

2C,

I thought I'd share with you some of the boundaries that we arrived at in our relationship to give my wife confidence that I wasn't communicating with the OW. I realize you might have to get there in baby steps.

1) Honest answers to HER questions about the affair, particularly the "hows" of communication.
This has been ongoing between us. Which has helped us.

2) The cease and desist letter from me reviewed ahead of time by her.
Is this the letter to OW? Please explain.

3) She met with OW to tell her civilly but firmly to stay away
WOW! I couldn't do this. Unless of course OW is not getting the point!

4) Complete access to ALL my modes of communication. No pass codes. (she checked randomly, I HATED it, but I can't begin to tell you how much better I felt when I knew I had nothing to hide)
I just had a conversation with him about this because he says he'll do it but adds, I don't think this will help. ugh! I said, when you have nothing to hide then you don't have a problem with it!

5) On going couples counselling.....its really hard to continue the deceit in that setting.
We have sessions scheduled with MC for next week.

6) Then she did something remarkable. After a time, she said I can imagine hard it is to deal with your feelings toward the OW. If you really need to I give you my permission to send her a letter. I want to know about it before you do it and I want the right to read it before you send it. I cannot begin to tell you how powerful that was.
What was in the letter?

Just some thoughts.

Good luck and peace be with you.