Gonna be different now, (butterfly in hurricane).

[25yearsmlc]

PS

Expect nothing from your wife on your anniversary. I'd expect zero contact that day, probably.

If somehow, something clearly warms, FROM HER, you could at most perhaps say,

"W, despite how bad things are now, I can't say I regret our marriage, b/c I look at this precious young man it produced. For this, I'll always be grateful."

Keep the focus ONLY ON HIM.

** ALSO read up on those medical issues he has. It's essential to decent parenting. Plus you may be asked about them. Be informed b/c you care.


Question 1 : W said she would see about the driving (probably ask her L what to do), and since she hasn't said anything yet -because I do the driving- should I bring it up? To make her understand it is not ok, and I am just waiting for her to say something?
In case she says she won't drive, can I say something like : "I'll pick S up, if you want him back, you come get him"?

This^^^ is not a mature response. (That's why YOU need your lawyer to speak for you). The idea that this remark would help you, or reflect well on you is crazy. The comment is intended to antagonize her, which is what you'd be doing with that type of remark to her. Yes, we know she SAID she'd drive one way...but
I can imagine the following reaction on HER end.

"Bruce ABDUCTED son. HE refused to return him!"

& Bruce, I can see HER BELIEVING IT! Because if WE know you've made more than one comment about fleeing to France to save money & future hassle, you can bet she is TERRIFIED OF YOU DOING IT...

Do you want to have that nightmare hassle just so you can make a snarky remark to her? THINK about how she'll react to your behavior/comments.

Don't keep disconnecting those factors.


As I see it, you have 3 goals for now and the near future

(& to me, the near future means at least > 6months) Please, Don't argue that.


1) SHOW that you accept your wife's decision to end the marriage (this is advice we ALL get. Not just you.)

You have resisted it so much and that's one of the reasons your w is colder to you than need be. She thinks she has to keep reminding you that she wants it to be over.

If You never give her a chance to examine her choices b/c all you do is argue against/ challenge those choices, then you force her to keep defending those choices & she'll keep on "reminding" you of the choice she made, with cold distant behavior that borders on, or is, rude.

Accepting her choice is also part of respecting her, btw. And it's part of getting you both to drop your guns.

ALSO

Believe that It's over...It's the only way she'll ever FEEL DONE enough to think about the results of her choices.

*** I'm not saying she'll regret the choice to leave. But she might re-think present day cooperation.***

And if there ever comes a time when you two can relax around each other, feel safe and not like there is an agenda, then a friendship might happen.
But that is NOT now or anytime soon. Right now you are legally at war.


2) Show that your son is your concern. NOT your primary concern; your ONLY concern.[/b] This is part of #1^^. It's mandatory for someone who wants over night visits with his son.


3) Do Not mention money or support to or in front of her. Do NOT whine about it. Do NOT complain about it. To put it bluntly, "man up & shut up".

That does not make you a doormat. If the amount really is too high, YOUR LAWYER can say that! You don't ever have to say a word to her about it. EVER!

do you get this^^^???

Two of her complaints were about your selfishness with your time and your money.

You need to counter those complaints and so far, you have done a poor job of it. So think hard before you ignore the advice freely given, in abundance, to you.