FY, I completely understand how you feel. I don't want to be friends with my H. If he had behaved in a different, more honorable way, I would've been willing to stay in touch. But he's done so much that hurt me, that if he were my friend only, I would've cut all contact with him, and that's what he will be after the D.
The meeting went OK. We agreed on some things, but he is still reluctant to pay the support I need. I agreed to lower the amount substantially compared to what the L asked. I only want to cover my expenses. But he still says it's too much, and emailed me an hour ago to say there's no way he can do it. I am meeting with the L next Friday, so I'll bring all my Qs to him.
I spoke with my coach today and she suggested that I refer my H directly to the L. It makes sense, bc he doesn't understand how alimony works. I think he doesn't understand a lot of what goes on in the process.
I spoke with my coach today and she suggested that I refer my H directly to the L. It makes sense, bc he doesn't understand how alimony works. I think he doesn't understand a lot of what goes on in the process.
I like the idea of letting L handle it. It takes the pain and pressure of dealing with H off of you, plus he'll get you a better settlement.
I like how you are taking the high road through all of this, keep it up, you'll never regret it.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
I continue being tested by my H's stubbornness. He wrote a message with his comments about each one of my expenses. One of the things he said was "Overall, I thought a few of your expense estimates were conservative, and some of the expense seemed to be personal in nature (for example, I don’t think Maintenance income is intended to cover church and vacations)." Then he said, "I’m still concerned about the six year potential duration which probably wouldn’t be fair if I had to pay."
He does not understand how alimony works. My reply was that he should probably talk to the L, who knows about the legality of things. He hasn't replied yet. I really want to keep these conversations between the two of us, but I think that first, he needs to talk to a L.
I really can't wait to get this over with. I have completely lost all the interest in my M or being with my H. Weird how this happened. Maybe it's too much hurt and betrayal. Otherwise, I really don't understand. Maybe I just connected with my true self and realized he needs to leave my life so I can realize my true potential.
I'm so excited about my book! I also started a blog about spirituality...
Hey, GTO! Sorry your plans got cancelled...I'm going on a hike with a friend on Saturday, so I'm usually so tired after that don't feel like doing much. Would you be up for a hike when I go with a group?
My meeting with the L is this afternoon. My H is in a better place after a couple of emails we exchanged. I told him I would call him after I met with the L, but I think it might be best to email him, let him digest the info, and talk to him tomorrow.
Lately, I've been remembering all the hurtful stuff my H did. It's been tough to not feel angry/resentful. But I find it easier to do as time goes by.
I also meditated on "What is real never changes." My H's love was immature love. A love than depended on how much fun he was having, or how late I went to bed. That was not real love. Hmm.
Tori, sorry you have to go through the hoops to negotiate the settlement with your H. You said that you lost interest in your M, but it looks like you still going through the stages of grief. I’m only 7 months into my sitch and I feel the same sometimes. When I remember that he said that he is not in love with me anymore, I just want to give up.
I agree with others, I like that you are taking a high road on this. Sometime by willing to lose we actually win more. I’m sure there a great things waiting for you in life.
I really enjoy your reading your posts. Please keep us updated.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
YOu have come such a long way on your journey and learned so much in the process.