W called OM after not talking for three weeks. Think I am going to to lose it. Yes I looked at phone bill. Guess I am not learning. I am going to explode
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
It simply amazes me that I can loose it over her contacting him, yet knowing that loosing it will cause us to D and land her in his lap.
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
Don't be so hard on yourself. That one thing won't cause you to D. It takes a million events to lead up to the marriage breaking down. Just do better next time, stop doing things that make things worse.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
I confronted her about calling OM and she said she wanted his support since he has PTSD too. I told her I wanted her to get all the help she could, but not from him. She [censored] you and that I wasn't being sportive nor a friend to her and I was breaking her heart. She said she wasn't going to talk to me the rest of today. I can not deal with this. I quit. Thanks to all for your help and support, but I am ready to lay down and be done with it all.
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
Dont quit now. It seems like you are close. She had a backslide a little. Its not over yet unless you want it to be.
Me, H-34 now 38 W-32 now 35 T-13 now 18 years M-6 now 9 Daughter 3 years now 7 Bomb 11/27/12 - OM 1 year in house separation Reconciliation 12/2013. Healed now 2017
The ones who never stop focusing on the goal of "saving their marriage" never get past it to the point of doing the things that really might save their marriage. They're not tactics or action items, they're whole life changes and they are hard and gradual and painful and so much more meaningful in the long run than "what do I say when he says x" and "how should I behave when he does y." I'm biased but I don't think you should discount the possibility that there are more important goals for you right now than saving your marriage. It's hard to see that at first.
Wow adinva this really made me think and I am still trying to save my marriage, not change me...
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
Made an appointment with a PhD, Licensed Mental Health Counselor who uses Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) as well as principles from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy and Solution-Focused Brief Therapy (SFBT). He also uses research from Dr. John Gottman. I have high hopes and will go in with an open mind, lay all my card out on the table and ready to do some hard work. I will be making a list of what I dont like about me and what I want to change and be come. I have had bad luck with therapist, I really hope this is the one who I click with. He has good credentials and comes highly recommended. Time to start the hard road of focusing on me and not W. (did I say HARD??)
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
W wants to open her own checking account, this makes me think she is thinking about divorce more.
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
My H also said he wants his own account recently. It is all about the "space" they need. Try not to take it personally. Try not to mind-read what it means.
It's just about the freedom they want at the moment.
I think you are headed in the right direction for you, jp. Work on yourself and try not to focus on what she is doing. Remember you can only control you. Pressuring her will only push her futher away.
M- 18 T-21 S-14,11 & 10 BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA) H moved out 11-3-2012 10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life. 11-25-13 Jointly filed.
