25years, Yes, this is out of character for her. We started dating in HS and I have never suspected anything. She has been loyal. However, back in September or October, although I didn’t know it at the time, she developed the classic MLC traits. A small note about this^^. You mention her "loyalty", which is a lovely and often rare quality. Right after, you inserted "However" and followed it with a "negater". Try not to do that and see it when it happens. Especially if it's part of your marital dynamic.
I will call a DB coach for help on the boundaries. We used a marriage counselor here that actually placed me with the book Divorce Remedy and coached along those lines as well. Sounds like she was a good pro m MC. Nice to find. (We had to hunt, and when I say "we", I mean me.)
She was at a point with my W that there was nothing else she could do. She gave us 4 choices which included reconciliation which the W didn’t want, trial separation, legal separation, or living parallel lives in the same house. She wanted us to come back. My W didn’t want to go back and has decided for herself that she wants a parallel life. Pretty good gig if you can get it. Have weekly sex in your hotel with your trainer, but what you want and party to all hours of the night. IF you ever get the chance, I hope you ask her what SHE thinks a parallel life would look like. I'm not sure she'd describe it the way you do.
As far as the need for a trainer, she has suffered with sever back pain for almost 7 years. She started working with this trainer and he helped her lose 35 pounds and did so while not only not creating any back pain, but it has gone away all together. Medically, the x-rays don’t lie. She still has disk issues but she feel better now than ever. No small feat. Good for her. And, since I have back pain that no trainer has helped me with (I swear they think I said "Please hurt my back MORE") I can see why she feels good about the work they have done. Nonetheless...
I'm more concerned with what you guys are doing together.
She says she cares for me and loves me but is not in love with me. meaning...the "spark is gone"?
We have not had sex in 6 months. She has been sleeping in a separate room for that time blaming her poor sleeping habits. This^^^ is a huge fat red flag to me. Seriously...what were you thinking this lack of sex meant? No poor sleeping habits cause zero sex for months... She also said that I have become less affectionate over time. That was probably true Don't gloss over the feelings of rejection she felt, or for how long.
but I have changed and she has recognized that but the more I tried to make up for that, the more she pushed back and therefor DR and the 180. That has not worked yet. so you changed (= all fixed) and yet she blocked you from more...
I mean, do you see how this makes her wrong and you "Right"? It sounds to me as if a lot of complacency happened in this m. I know how easy it is for that to happen! But one sign to me that is easy to spot is the 'no sex for months" sign. She is still at home although when my plan is in place and I confront H, that may change. my guess is that your plan as it is now, will end the m. Maybe it has to, maybe not. I feel that with time, counseling and love, I can overcome the pain of the A. We are human after all. I have never had an A and after being part of this from my end, I would never want to hurt someone like this. I can move past it. there are resources out there, and here, for YOU and for YOUR WIFE.
She felt betrayed, believe it or not. Now you do. So you will both need to learn how to forgive
and as someone who never saw it growing up, I can tell you firsthand that it is hard to do. You have to learn how. It's a time consuming process.
But yes there are tools for you. Avail yourself of the healing tools, for you and yes, for your w.
Yes, we had a connection and in fact, I felt we had it up until the time she dropped the B. That said, during counseling, I look back at the last 2 to 3 years and I see where we have grown apart but not to the point of no return. Yes, I deeply love my wife. Otherwise, I would not be committed to heal and move past this. THis ^^is a great piece of news. Seriously.
Yes, and all this makes sense and it is greatly appreciated!
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
