MLC and Infidelity

[25yearsmlc]

Much to say but my first concern and question is WHY are you telling your children?

Please read the DR book again, pps 195 on...and "impediments to saving the marriage" which I think is around pp.151 and on.

ALSO, here's a little info about your adultery claim--if your specialist attorney says she won't get alimony, I'll defer to that. But it's not a guarantee as I read it AND for sure, custody is not automatically awarded to you.

LEGAL CITATION
Generally, a South Carolina family law attorney or judge in family court does not consider adultery as a primary factor in addressing custody issues. In South Carolina, adultery and custody case of Davenport v. Davenport, the mother of the child committed adultery and the boyfriend spent five nights with the mother while the children were present The Court still awarded the mother custody of the children despite this behavior which could be perceived as risky or immoral. The Court justified their reasoning so as to say that child custody is granted to a party not to reward one party or punish the other.

This was recently upheld in 2011 when the Court of Appeals reversed a decision to give a father primary custody and instead gave it back to the mother that had an affair. See Moeller v. Moeller, 394 S.C. 365, 714 S.E. 2d 898 (Ct. App. 2011). The Courts seem to be of the opinion that moral choices are only relevant in in caes where it affects the welfare of the child. Stroman v. Williams, 291 S.C. 376, 353 S.E.2d 704 (Ct. App. 1987).

So make sure you understand all the risks you face, not just the hoped for result. ALso, I thought you wanted to save the marriage.

This "plan" is more akin to the Normandy Invasion with her total capitulation in mind, rather than a restored marriage.

Again, I'd refer you to the DR book...you want solutions or retribution?

And are you assuming she'll want to STAY in the marriage?

B/C if it were me, and it's not, I realize, I might feel that---

I already justified the affair in my head/heart &...it's your fault.
So now you are going to corner ME w/these threats? Okay, then let's go to war.

I mean, you either "neglected me" or "Deserted me" or did some other UN husbandly thing that made me feel unloved, etc etc. (I'm not saying it's true, I'm saying I doubt that SHE believes she had no reason for the affair).

And if you read the DR book, she has a point. YOU SAID this is out of character for her. So she's not a slutty immoral woman.

Instead of immediately pointing solely at MLC, try on the possibility that you played a role in it and that -

you can show her YOUR changes...which, btw, I have not heard much about...

Left out an important part of that plan and that is the discussion with my W about A and OM. I am struggling with how best to start that discussion and what I need to include. I know I need to use my brain and not the emotional side of me.

I also need to talk with my kids and let them know that this is not there fault, that Mom is not a bad person, but she has made some bad decisions.

FWIW, (though I suspect Starsky I will disagree on this), I firmly oppose this ^^choice of yours.

I see no point in it but to assign blame & involve the children in a painful ordeal they have no need of. Plus, it makes it more likely your w will defend her choices, not re-examine them and regret them, as you wish she would.

If you read the Div Remedy book MORE carefully, pay attention specifically to p.199 et al.

Good luck.