Great thread idea, Denver. I think one of the common mistakes that LBSs make is that they take on the ENTIRE BURDEN of trying to "fix" everything, and operate from a basic assumption that they MUST have been a horse-*$%t spouse for their spouse to do this to them.
While it's true that in probably 75-85% of the cases there were significant contributions on the part of the LBS which made conditions ripe for their spouse's affair, there are a good 15-25% of the time where it was really a GOOD marriage. So that's point #1.
Point #2 is I often see LBS (especially men, since we are naturally "fixers"!) scurry around and immediately try to address all of their wayward wives' complaints. The problem of this (and it's a big one) is that it's often a b.s. "list" that they're working on, as a spouse caught up in an affair will often (always?) "re-write marital history" to justify their current behavior. I don't agree with much of the MLC folks, but I do like their concept of "work on those items that 'sting'" -- those complaints that your spouse gives you that YOU know are legitimately things that you need to work on . . . things that pre-dated their affair (if there is infidelity involved in your sitch).
Something you and I both share is this realization that we put our wives on pedestals before -- the whole "princess" thing. It was actually my WIFE that told me that THIS WASN'T HEALTHY, and that I needed to see her for who she was, flaws and all!!!
