We have a joint checking and savings. My W just opened up a account for herself as she is looking for a job outside the home. Are kids are getting older and she has been working on raising them. Before I knew about the A, I agreed to fund her account that was to be used as "fun" money. The A is changing that or it may.
OK, good. That's almost EXACTLY the same as my sitch. I decided to let my wife know (after I had safely firewalled the finances) that I would continue to pay for the family's needs -- including hers -- and whatever of the kids' wants I could afford, but I would no longer pay for ANYTHING that she used to carry on her affair. Not hair coloring, not her tummy tuck payments, not stuff from Victoria's secret, and CERTAINLY not her cellphone.
I would suggest you do the same, unless and until some judge orders you to do otherwise. Almost NO judge will expect a spouse to pay for their spouse's infidelity, so you should be on solid ground. When in doubt, err on the side of taking care of the family's needs, and just focus on the obvious stuff (cellphone, training sessions, etc.).
