Being the breadwinner, I can easily keep our home and continue paying our debts, but I steadily grow more anxious about it all. I now resent where I am and what I'm stuck with, and have contemplated sending the felines off to family, locking the door behind me and giving it all up for the banks to squabble over, just to "serve her right" for leaving all of it and me behind.
Try to drop the anger and bitterness, it may lead you to make unhealthy decisions (what you describe above would be VERY unhealthy). You have a chance to bring your W back, but you've got to stop the pity party and start working on yourself. Get out, get a life, improve your attitude. Your W won't be attracted back to a sulky, sad, depressed, angry, bitter you. But she might be attracted back to a happy, confident, strong you!
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I'm on blood pressure medication (normal 120/80 before), a mood stabilizer, an antidepressant, taking sleeping pills to get to sleep and who knows what next week's follow-up will bring.
Wow. How long have you been on the A/D's? It can take 4 to 6 weeks for them to stabilize, maybe you're just not there yet. Sounds like you're still in pretty deep depression.
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I went to the house to gather more things, and cried for twenty minutes after getting two steps into our bedroom.
That shouldn't be happening if the A/D's are in full swing.
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I know where I've gone wrong, I understand what I need to do, but have yet to really be able to accomplish any of the things between the covers of those books.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step! Rejoin life and take that first step! Believe me, we ALL had to force ourselves to do it, but none of us regret it. It's the path to healing, regardless of what happens in your M.
