Thoughts in Hindsight

[Denver_2010]

I just posted the following after an update on my Piecing thread. I want to share it here on Newcomers though because it may help. When we first come here, we generally focus on how bad we were during our M, and how perfect our S is. Obviously no one is perfect, and no one is completely bad. Problems in a M occur as a result of the actions of TWO people. Never just one.

I don't want anyone here to take this as me saying that I regret DBing. I do NOT. I don't regret it at all. It is one of the best things that ever happened to me. I just have had a chance to look back, in hindsight, and see the forest from the trees, so to speak.

From my piecing thread...

...I have been doing a lot of thinking about the past couple of years. Things look much different in hindsight than they do when you are in the mist of them. I have many thoughts that I want to share with everyone here. Especially those that are just beginning this process.

I hope to come back and expand on this more, but the bottom line is that what I went through during my S is a once in a lifetime deal for me. While I am happier than I can put into words that I have a second chance to make my M work, I don't believe that I would go through what I did again. I see now that I was not the sole cause of the breakdown in our M. I put W on a pedestal during my sitch, and I think that I really minimized her flaws. I love her to death, but she is not perfect and she is difficult to get along with at times. I TOTALLY put those things out of my mind during my S.

I'm NOT recanting anything that I came to acknowledge about myself, nor the problems taht I caused. I'm just saying that I see how things came to be the way that they were. There is no question that W and I would slip back into that misery if both of us were not committed to NOT having that happen. And it is WORK. It really, really is. No matter how much change you make, no matter how much self discovery you do, it is work. I'm glad that I went through it, I'm glad that I made that choice, and I'm happy that I have that second chance. But I wouldn't do it again. It was too hard and too painful. And I was too hard on myself.

Just some thoughts that I have looking back.

Denver