Cooked dinner again when I got home - was ready right when W got home from work. She looked frazzled. I asked her how her day was and I got a 'don't ask look' from her, which kinda made me chuckle because I knew a humorous story was going follow at some point.
After sitting down in the family room, W asked 'so you want to hear how my day went?' I said sure - and she proceeded to tell us. Yes, she had a rough day. And had I been hearing this story as the events were happening, there's no way I could have laughed, but, the way she was telling it was really funny, and she was laughing too.
About 8pm, I went to my bedroom to think - been a lot on my mind lately. I think W suspects this and came back several times to see what I was doing. Last time she came back, she asked if I would rub her legs again since they were hurting. I said sure, and gave her an hour long leg and back rub.
She was acting very sleepy and started to doze off, so I kinda brushed the hair out of her face and told her to go to sleep, turned down the TV, turned off the lights and was leaving the room. The door creaking must have woke her up and she asked where I was going, and if something was wrong. I told her I was going to sleep on the couch; to which she said no, that she would get up and go back to her room. I told her only if she wanted to, I had no problem sleeping on the couch.
In one sense, I probably messed up here. But, in reality, I'm not sure I can take sleeping in the same bed with her until some things get resolved. Is that unreasonable?
Now, I suspect that when she kept coming back to my room, she wanted me to tell her what's been on my mind, however, I don't want to start that conversation as I don't want it to seem like I'm pressuring her. She didn't come out and ask me; but, had she asked, I would have told her I've just been thinking about a lot of things - just trying to get my thoughts together so that they mean something.
I think it's too soon to discuss much of the following, unless she specifically brings up the issues:
We haven't really set any boundaries yet, and there are a few boundaries and I think we need to discuss this, but, only when she feels ready to do so.
We haven't discussed what the S she asked for means, other than she's not happy and wants to get a place of her own.
She's still quite angry about some events in the last year, mainly related to the business partnership (at least hat's what she tells me), and I'm concerned she's going to let that anger consume her. Though, the last few days she hasn't mentioned them, so maybe she's starting to let go of that a little bit.
I am concerned about one of her meds - Lexapro - it's an anti-depressant, and she's been on it for four years. Things got really bad right after her doctor doubled her dosage in December 2011. The only emotion she seems to feel is anger, and it started right after he increased her dosage.
I went thru a similar problem while on AD meds as well - except I felt no emotion at all. It took me a while to come to the conclusion that it was due to the meds and that lifestyle changes could work better for me than meds ever could. She has to come to that conclusion herself though; there's nothing I or anyone else can say to convince her otherwise...
I think she wants to take the F250 when she goes. With her income, I don't think she can afford to feed it gas. To be clear, she could take whatever vehicle she wanted - they're all paid for.
Above all - I want none of the above separation events, but, if her leaving is the only way she can find happiness, then so be it.
So really, all of the above only applies if she still wants a S. Which, she has not mentioned since before Christmas, but, I don't feel like poking that rabid dog with a stick right now...
