25-First I am going to say it, because i know you will reply with it....keep a PMA....but here it goes.
I am just so annoyed and angry over this sitch, that I don't see the light that shows we get back together. I won't say "keep a PMA" when you're this upset and feel hopeless. I think this is a natural part of the process. I do NOT know where the process of grieving will lead you nor do I know if he'll wake up & show up, or in time.
But his behavior warrants a negative reaction from you. Period. As long as you don't ACT on that reaction, I think you just have to go with it... On one hand, I am thinking, what is wrong with me, this is the man that I love. Why won't I fight and endure this for him and our love and what a great future we could have together. B/C you now doubt that the future is what you once thought it would be. This question in your heart, is based on your h's behavior.
On the other hand, I am thinking, girl, snap out of it, this is your new reality. The love and marriage you once had is gone, you are even losing the love you had that will never return, and you need to move on. Worrying about the love you had returning/leaving is one thing. But since HE is not yet returning, does it matter? Won't letting go of the emotional attachment make it easier to cope if he does not return?
I will tell you that my mind, body and spirit are leaning towards the latter. I think your real fear here is that somehow, if YOU stop caring, HE won't come back...
which makes two thoughts come to mind. 1) so what? I mean, if he does not come back, then how do you suffer MORE b/c of not caring?
2) you think your not loving him will CAUSE him to not return? Well, I suppose that is possible. But you have made it clear you do care for him (previously) and it did not result in his return. In fact he found a 2nd OW? IS that accurate?
What seems to generate interest in you, at his end? You detaching? You being warmer? Is there any discernible pattern?
I thought he was still moping and not returning.
Yes he likes to get his family fix...so maybe your dilemma is "what to do about that?" You hate enabling him, but you also don't want to punish the kids by shutting his out of their lives...correct?
And yes, he did leave our kids as much as the marriage, I am hurt, they are hurt, and for someone who says he cares about all that, he has a funny way of showing it. I thought I could be strong, but I don't know that I can take much more of this... can you learn to see or view him as an "uncle" who sometimes does fun things with the kids, and sometimes does not even show up?
Try hard to Reduce any expectations of him beyond that.
25, as you said in a prior post, this can't go on for much longer. I want to, but I don't know how to get my heart there at the moment.
you don't have to KNOW how long...although I found a private internal deadline for limbo, helped ME to cope. I had a d in high school and I figured as long as the bills were getting paid and we could keep the house (not move) until d finished high school, I could endure. But I knew that after graduation day when she headed off to college, MY life would be MINE to live...
h, however, awakened before that time. But that was a 2 year timeline for me and we almost reached it.
You only have to do a day at a time. Sometimes, you have to do an HOUR at a time...later it does get easier to aim for a "week" at a time and then, sure enough a few months have passed and some wounds have started to heal.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
