Here we go loopty loo. Here we go loopty li.

[Raine]

T^2, yes that totally helps. That's what it seems like to me and it concerns me. And for me, it is to the point of, what does it really even matter anymore? Is there really a difference between 3, 4, 20? And like we've talked about before, I would take this kind of infidelity over him being in a serious relationship with one woman. I much prefer him seeking no strings attached, even though that seems to go against the MLC grain. It makes me feel like somewhere inside him, the attachment is still to me.

But, when he seems to be playing more dangerously, where other people are becoming involved and getting hurt, people he was very close to pre-MLC, that concerns me more and also gives me more to deal with. Now there are other family members he may have a hard time facing. I had to talk at length with my brother to let things be, because he wanted to rip H to shreds.

My hope was to keep things as private as possible so that if he does come out of this, it's not uncomfortable for him to be around old friends and family. I have control over what I will and won't accept, but I can't control everyone else. And even if there is no R with H, he is still the boys father, and I don't want people looking at him negatively. He's still going to be a part of their lives no matter what. I don't need any life event to be uncomfortable because of the way others feel about him.

I do think my attitude helps immensely. Others follow my lead. If I was a wreck and upset, that would send everyone into protection mode and attack mode on H.

Dawn, I've been so impressed with your strength and what you're dealing with right now with your H. That took a lot to stand up for what you will and not accept in your home. Well done to you!

This journey really does make us stronger. I know at BD I was willing to make any kind of sacrifice, even having a marriage where we were only together for the kids. Like you, I'm no longer willing to be in any relationship where I am being disrespected and boundaries are broken. I have far too much self-respect for that. Being happy with myself is far more important to me than being married.