And guess what. I did it TO her. I hurt her in ways I cannot EVER, EVER fully understand.
I single-handedly took away her right to control her life. It was the most selfish thing I could do, anyone could do: I took her world from her, broke it and handed it back broken. I inflicted a wound to her soul.
Nothing, NOTHING she did made what I chose to do acceptable.
Despite that. Despite what a "F" I was. My Wife.... my loving, wise, spirit-filled, smart, beautiful and sexy Wife said she was willing to try to forgive me, to try and save our marriage, and can you believe this? accepted responsibility for her contribution to the damage.
I'm speechless all over again. I still can't believe it. Maybe this is the reason I was supposed to spill my guts all over the screen, to remember it.
What do you do with love and forgiveness like that? To be honest its almost too hard to face. Maybe this is why we avert our faces in God's presence....that much love and forgiveness is too much for us to bear.
Almost the next day we began DB coaching. We also participated in a sex addiction counselling.
Now its 6 months later. I am a fortunate and blessed man.
This process is so terrible, so hard, so humbling. I wouldn't wish this on anybody. But we have made amazing progess, I don't always see it; somedays we go backwards but when I look back on the past 6 months I realize it.
We still have a lot of work to do. This is something we will have to work on the rest of our lives.
