Be civilized with STBX

[mstoadswildride]

Hi Another Stander.

He is in mid-life crisis because of the behavior he is exhibiting:
* hates that he is getting old. Doesn't like the aches and creaks in his joints. He is losing his hair.

* changed his looks, dyed his hair, new eyeglasses, new underwear,new clothing. He use to be a t-shirt kind of dude. Now he shops at American Eagle, Abercrombie & Fitch, The Buckle, Nordstroms.

* partying with single people, doesn't tell me where he is. His best friends are his single brother and co-worker.

* I got the Daddy aint' happy talk. It is all my fault. I am controlling and manipulative. I always get my way. Leaving you is the bravest thing I ever did. I have been unhappy through the whole marriage, the last five years, the last two years. We live like roommates.

* not attending church. God use to be a big part of his life.

* Charging up the credit cards. Living the single life, eating at expensive resturants,sometimes up to $130 a night.

* has a new co-worker girlfriend, twenty five years younger than him. He sees her every 2-3 months when he flies to China for business. Thinks she is just amazing, looks up to him, thinks he walks on water. She is encouraging and positive. Most brilliant man!! They left each other glowing remarks on linkedin.

* rare contact with his daughters. If they don't respond, he is mad and pouts. He thinks a weekly email to them via facebook is regular communication.
* blames me, kids, boss, friends for everything wrong in his life. He doesn't want any responsibility. We are just a heavy anchor around his neck.

When I meant he was running, I mean he is running away from his life and his family.
*Since January 2012 hes has been to China six times, staying 3 weeks at a time. Two yacht trips to Catalina island, Germany, San Francisco, Lake Tahoe, Montana, San Luis Obisbo. On weekends, he hangs with his brother, drives to LA, plays golf, shooting ranges, plays his guitar, going to fancy restaurants.

* he has chose not to be with his family on Easter, Birthdays for d17 and d20, Mother's day, July 4th, my parent's 35th anniversary family reunion, Thanksgiving, Christmas. No Happy Birthday on my birthday(I shouldn't be surprised)or a peep on 24th wedding anniversary.

Okay, I will get the DB books. I realized the last couple of weeks that my behavior is destructive. I am too focused on his reaction instead of changing my attitude. For me, everyday is a reflection of what I can do better tomorrow. My daughters have notices the little changes in me. It has brought positive changes in our lives.

I have read so many books. I am able to apply to myself healthy tools to live life. I had to go into my past(being bullied, abandonment, rejection, lack of self esteem, sexual abuse, three abortions, back surgery, addiction to painkillers) to understand why I react the way I do today. I want to learn something new everyday.

I was selfish, unhappy, tense, depressed, cut God off in my life, thinking I can do it on my own. It took husband walking away to jolt me back into reality and face up to what I had done. I had to really center myself so I can have inner peace. Still a journey, painful yet joy. I am so grateful for my family and friends.