Over time I decided that "if she wouldn't give it to me, that I would be open if someone else was"
I started to fantasize and create "rules" about the affair.
-She would be everything my Wife was, but also very sexually confident.
-It wasn't intended to replace my marriage it was intended to provide what my Wife "wouldn't" or "couldn't".
-It wasn't intended to be long term. It was supposed to be a "prison break" and I would sneak back into prison without the Warden even knowing I was gone.
I fantasized about it for a long time. I made my decision to say yes to the chance of an affair. I romanticised it.
Then the opportunity came.
It was classic. Communication becomes friendship, friendship becomes EA, EA become PA.
We both still loved our spouses we weren't going to leave them.
"Don't you see, this wasn't about them. It was about us. It was about fulfilling the needs our spouses weren't able to fulfill" All that standard crap.
I provided her with romance, interest, attention, validated who she was(all the techniques I'd learned when I was trying to build intimacy with my Wife)
She gave me appreciation for all those things, the appreciation my Wife "never gave". She validated and embraced my sexuality instead of being comfortable with it. She was exactly the sexually confident woman I "KNEW" existed all my life.
K_G, yes I started to view her as my soulmate, the "answer" to my life long longing.
The entire experience was incredibly intoxicating.....incredibly.
The experience itself, not just the OW, the affair experience itself; my fantasy coming to life, the secrecy, the anticipation, the romance, that heady teenager feeling of falling "in love". All of it
At first the compartmentalization worked. This was just about fulfilling my unmet needs. Right? Then I found myself increasingly angry at my Wife, focusing on what the OW was and my Wife wasn't. Resentful that my Wife and Family intruded into my fantasy. I was a complete [censored].
With time little bits of reality crept into our fantasy world. She had some irritating quirks (I'm sure I did to), guilt with the deceit, self disgust with my pursuit of the affair. I think we both knew the affair was coming to a close.
But I was still so intoxicated by the experience I got sloppy about the secrecy and Wife discovered some of our correspondence.
