Read Sandi's DB 180 tips (sticky at top of forum) for some pointers while you're waiting for DB to arrive. Don't try to beg/ plead/ reason/ implore/ negotiate. It's all just perceived by the WAS as pressure and it pushes them farther away.
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She wants a trial separation but she never mentions it unless I bring up our relationship
Do not EVER bring up relationship talks for the same reason, it's pressure! You need to detach and give her time and space to think things through. It takes a LOT of time, so be patient. We're talking months.
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I have been doing the 180 for a few days and my mood has improved immeasurably. My day only comes alive when the children are home.
Good, that's what detaching, getting a life and 180's do for you, they separate you from the emotional turmoil of your sitch.
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Eventually, at 6.30am she strolls in. I asked if she was were she said she was and she said that she'd show me the phone details (the first time!!).
Again this is covered in DR and the 180 tips, but don't ever ask where she's been. That too is pressure. Be in bed asleep when she comes dragging in and show zero interest in knowing what she was doing.
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She is so all over the place. She concedes that trying to mend the marriage is the obvious and sensible thing to do but doesn't think that it would work out so would rather a separation.
When she says things like this you need to validate her feelings. Tell her you understand why she feels that way, that you would like to work on the M but if she feels that leaving will make her happy then you support her decision. I did exactly this with my W, it was very tough for me to say, but it put her at ease.
Hang in there, once you get DB and start working on things it'll get easier for you to focus on yourself and get off your W's roller coaster!
