FY, I do have to be careful with the assertive card, I want to save it for when I think I will get the most out my limited uses, sooo, I went assertive "lite".
Originally Posted By: T^2
In my sitch, pre-BD I was the assertive one, the dominant personality and W has said that that isn't working anymore
I had forgotten this.^^^ Quite different from my sitch, where W said she felt she was driving the boat and I was just tagging along for the ride! (hay, what can I say, I was easy to please and didn't ask for much)
I'm so glad to hear things went well last night, you certainly are on course, keep it up!
Originally Posted By: T^2
Another thing occurred to me this evening, that she probably isn't thinking D, because her emails are really loading me up with information leverage if we were to go that path. She must really feel safe with me that I'm not going use it against her...so idk, I'm not putting too much energy into that thought.
Interesting. I didn't think you were still concerned that she wanted to D.
Originally Posted By: T^2
rH, sometimes I get more a feeling of "we", like I have a name again when she is talking with school parents, teachers, etc, instead of just "my husband", I am "T^2, my husband", and I did get a couple brief looks like the old days...that "cherished", and/or, "safe/secure" look...idk how to describe it correctly, but I recognized it.
That "We" is what we need to build on IMHO.
Originally Posted By: T^2
I have been trying, but mlc has taken her humor chip pretty often. She goes in phases where she will watch a lot of humor, and look for/be open to it, and it's great! Then she'll swing into a negative funk and nothing seems to work. She says she feels bad for me because I do try so hard.
What is it she thinks you are trying too hard at? How can you change that perception?
Originally Posted By: T^2
One funny thing was that she is trying to get the family set up with this hypnotist for an issue we all share, and I replied back to her that I should NOT get an appt because "aside from her, no one has ever been able to hypnotize me", she responded back all serious "what do you mean "aside from me"" and I just replied "i meant exactly that"... I got an "I see" response back. Later in the weekend she skirted around wondering if that was me flirting, and I basically replied "only if I was successful, otherwise, "h3ll no!" with my daring-est mischievous grin...I don't know why I shared that...hope it gives you some idea of the dynamics...
Hey, if you can get away with a little flirting, (and it sounds like you did) you should. If she didn't like it, you'd know.
Thank you so much for all your help in my sitch. It really means a lot to me!
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
