There was only one boundary and that was that neither of us would see other people until D is final. When I called her out on this latest (current) guy her response was that it's none of my business what she's doing or who she's talking with or seeing and we're getting a D so that agreement doesn't mean anything to her. We made agreement couple months after paperwork was filed so only thing that changed is she found someone new. I was upset but instead of yelling about it I just said I was sick of all the lying and things will now be different around here.
Last several months I've been really trying to be a friend, regain trust, and include her in everything with regards to family. Results: I was feeling a little better about our chances, was starting to feel like we were connecting as friends again, we were enjoying each other, family times were filled with laughter, and I was slowly starting to build trust with her. Come to find out she is still seeing other people and lying about a lot of things (a friend that works with her called me this AM and told me about another lie :o).
So...for my own sanity and for what I feel is best for my kids I'm going to start doing more 'family' things without W. It's confusing for me so I can only imagine what my kids feel when for the last month everything has seemed better than ever with family stuff. I don't want them (or me) to go from that right into house for sale and D thoughts again. For all of us I need to get more into a mindset that family is now my kids and I. This doesn't mean shutting W completely out, being nasty, or anything like that but I have to realize where she's at and the things she's doing are not healthy for a family. I need to at least start preparing us for the real possibility of a new 'family mentatality' for my kids and I.
She's not leaving house and I won't so need to find ways to change the dynamic so she feels like she is losing me and the family. Seems like way too much cake eating going on. Talked with buddy last night and he helped me figure out some new things I'll start setting up. For instance I'm planning to take kids to an event on Saturday night just the 3 of us, this is type of thing we would usually all go to. The only thing I said to W yesterday was to ask if she had plans with kids and when she said no I told her I was taking them to this, she was surprised but no fight. She did sleep on couch again which she said she wasn't doing anymore because it hurt her back (sleeping on couch is her decision). I'm also going to limit/ stop the family dinner nights where we all go out and pretend to be a happy family. I'm also done picking up messes and working on her computer stuff, she's going to have to figure this stuff out on her own. There are a few others.
Believe me when I tell you this is extremely hard for me. Doing things as a complete family has always been one of the most important parts of my life. I just feel like it's time to make this change so kids and I can start figuring out what our future may look like. The continued pattern of being lied to and hurt has to stop (yes she's been late for kids stuff last couple months that I've helped cover up). This doesn't mean I'm dropping the rope, giving up, or anything like that. It's a change to the dynamic.
Wish me luck and get ready for some "I need support" type threads because this is going to be VERY hard on me.
Personality is who the world sees, character is who you are
