Cake-Eating..I just don't understand

[rosesarered]

So I have taken a break from posting for a while. But now I am back. I have had a new sense of clarity recently. I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to put up with the rejection anymore. I am not afraid to be alone anymore ( been alone now since last July). I am not afraid of D anymore. Its weird to have come to this part of my journey. Its like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I always thought I wanted to save my M, but now I realize its really over. My H is so different now.


In fact, I have been researching D in Virginia. I have 2 recommendations for Lawyers. Although I haven't called yet.
I have been gathering the required documents you need to get started.

I was ready to sit down and share my new feelings with H last week. But then he lost is biggest client, so I decided to wait a few days. I had an apt scheduled with a DB coach today. We had a great session discussion the various reactions he might have and how I should respond. I feel ready to do this but H is in NY at the moment. At least I think he is, was supposed to come home last night or stay through tomorrow, but he didn't tell me.

Then today, I was working from home and tripped going down the stairs. So I think I have sprained my ankle. I thought I was going to be fine. But now I have woken in the middle of the night and am in pain and it hurts to walk.

I am debating to text H to see if he is back and if he can help with the kids in the morning. Since S6 is in kindergarten, I have to walk him to the bus stop. I could also ask a neighbor to help. This is seriously bad timing.

Any advice on how to start the D conversation. H brought up wanting a D last spring. But then last fall, said that he didn't want a D. BUt hasn't really done anything to want a M either.
So I think he is going to be surprised when I bring this up.

I am ready to be done with limbo and start a new chapter in my life.