Of Feral Cats, and All That

[TSquared2]

Well here's how the evening went...

FY, I do have to be careful with the assertive card, I want to save it for when I think I will get the most out my limited uses, sooo, I went assertive "lite".

When I got home I did my usual check in with the boys, then W, except this time I sat down and said basically what Snodderly said to say...W at first said she didn't want to talk about it, so I said okay and stayed put on the couch and read some email on my iphone, as if no big deal I always do this (normally i say okay and go head to do my meditation)...well a couple minutes later she started talking...we talked a good 45 minutes or so and it went very well. The chatting/OM thing wasn't brought up, and I think I am going to let that lay for now, it's only been a couple weeks so past experience taught me that it will take a while longer...Do I trust her? Nope, no way, not yet...BUT, I DO trust myself to know or be able to tell if she gets all EA again...the pattern I have noticed is that about 1 year ago, she was trying to stop but couldn't and told me she needed 6 more months. She did tell me this recently in our talks, confirming my observations and thoughts I wrote down at the time...then this summer she warmed up to me when she was trying to stop and went back to it once school started, again confirming my thoughts and theories at the time. And yes, that text saying "last one" with the naughty pic attached in mid October was indeed saying what I guessed.

So I think I have enough confirmed field observations to trust my instincts, intuition and Sherlock Holmes powers of observation to trust myself to know, without any snooping. That's kinda a cool feeling...

Another thing occurred to me this evening, that she probably isn't thinking D, because her emails are really loading me up with information leverage if we were to go that path. She must really feel safe with me that I'm not going use it against her...so idk, I'm not putting too much energy into that thought.

rH, sometimes I get more a feeling of "we", like I have a name again when she is talking with school parents, teachers, etc, instead of just "my husband", I am "T^2, my husband", and I did get a couple brief looks like the old days...that "cherished", and/or, "safe/secure" look...idk how to describe it correctly, but I recognized it. But then again, I got her "mlc face" a couple times too.

I have been trying, but mlc has taken her humor chip pretty often. She goes in phases where she will watch a lot of humor, and look for/be open to it, and it's great! Then she'll swing into a negative funk and nothing seems to work. She says she feels bad for me because I do try so hard.

One funny thing was that she is trying to get the family set up with this hypnotist for an issue we all share, and I replied back to her that I should NOT get an appt because "aside from her, no one has ever been able to hypnotize me", she responded back all serious "what do you mean "aside from me"" and I just replied "i meant exactly that"... I got an "I see" response back. Later in the weekend she skirted around wondering if that was me flirting, and I basically replied "only if I was successful, otherwise, "h3ll no!" with my daring-est mischievous grin...I don't know why I shared that...hope it gives you some idea of the dynamics...so much these days I am just too wiped out to figure out and so I put them in the "mystery bucket" for later...

Thanks again everyone, this board is a sanity saver...