Compliments & Passive Aggressiveness..Work to do!

[25yearsmlc]

GALing I have been spending a lot of time with my D3. I am working to finish projects around the house which was one of my W comlaints. I am reading an MBA book to better my business skills.

I have gone out with friends a few times but need to do it more often. I also havent met new people. I just dont really care ti know so many people really.

STOP HERE^^^..., there is no such thing as GAL, in the long run, that does not involve meeting New people.

Get out of your comfort zone (RUT) and meet some people who do NOT know your wife or your situation. Learn something new, NOT related to your work.

OMG bring something to the table that is interesting and fun. Have you never wanted to learn a new language, take a class, audition for something, learn a sport, volunteer and all the other things we have discussed? What happened to the cooking class you mentioned before?

Saying "I dont' really like meeting new people" is VERY telling and to me, it reminds me of what Adinva said earlier.

The "instruction manual" is not so handy when meeting new people (though if you read Dale Carnegie's timeless book on "How to Win Friends & influence People," you can't go wrong). But it reveals another thing for you to do that will also take your mind off all this nonsense. You obsess A LOT.

And you post "Essays" that are meant to illuminate but I think = ruminate.

My point is, get out and do something different and meet new, different people and do not judge them or dismiss them b/c they are different than you.



I like to read etc.. not hang out with people and make small talk. I need to make an effort a this though.

YES of course you must make an effort. What's with the bleak description of that? Instead of assuming you must "hang out" and engage in "small talk", why not try establishing a meaningful connection with someone? There are interesting people who like stimulating discussions. Join a "Current Events" group.

Given how you view friendly confident western women, and assume they are "hitting" on you when they say "hi", or recall your name or drink, or are paid to massage you, I suggest you limit these new connections to men.

I do think that^^ perspective may be a cultural issue for you. In Egypt I imagine women are not as outgoing towards men in general society, unless they want marriage...or something ELSE...??

But let me tell you, I'm one of 9 very extroverted children. I was born after 4 brothers (& more came later) who played with me growing up. I've always been very comfortable around men b/c those were my buddies and friends growing up. My sister was 6 years older than me & back then, that was a big age difference.

Sometimes my extroversion was misconstrued and it was often misconstrued by a foreigner. When I joined the military to join my h, (b/c my h owed the military for his medical school) I was surrounded almost only by men. Men expressed interest in me but that was that. No one went nuts on me.

As an officer, it helped to maintain some distance. But frankly, I just don't let myself think a man is hitting on me, unless it's so overt that it is impossible to misinterpret. THEN i address it. Usually I could head it off before they embarrassed themselves or me, b/c I always mentioned my h in conversations. Somehow, I managed.

As far as self esteem, I have been keeping myself looking good. I am also working to make my business more successful becuase that is a HUGE source of self esteem for me. It just saw happens that my W is attracted to my drive and determination to succeed so that is a bonus. I am generally a much more confident and pleasant person when I feel successful.

well, we all are^^ more confident and pleasant when we feel successful. I mean, who isn't?

The key is to learn to love and accept yourself, warts and all. Meaning, everyone fails at something. From Abe Lincoln to the World Champion tennis players.

You gotta still love yourself when the chips are down, just like you still have to be there for your friends, and your d, when they fail. You still have to know your core value, which is NOT attached to winning or succeeding in business...

To be more attractive I have been working out and dressing btter. Wife has always been a fashion person and I not at all. So I am trying to bridge that gap but honestly its not easy. Fashion is definiteoy not natural to me.

I look forward to hearing about your GAL activities and new areas. It'll help you reduce the analysis/paralysis and increase the PMA big time. And it will make you less predictable to your w, a bit mysterious and maybe more interesting.

But that's NOT WHY YOU DO IT. See the paradox? You do it for you...