Thanks

[PatientMan]

Real time update on today's action post phone call(context: wife and kids live in a nice, large, suburban rental house, I live in an apartment nearby):

I'm currently working full time and in graduate school, thus tonight I wasn't able to head back home until after 9PM. One of my daughters is sick and she wanted some apple juice, so I stopped by the grocer on the way home, brought it by the house, made it (from concentrate), and left it in the refrigerator for her tomorrow. The kids were, of course, asleep, so I took the opportunity to go into their rooms and kiss each one of them on the cheek or forehead as they slumbered, something I don't normally get to do on a school night for me.

I came back downstairs and W was awake. She had made a delicious chili and offered that I take some with me for food later in the week and I gladly filled two Tupperware containers full of that goodness which is perfect for late February. She was in bed, but had left the light on so I took that as a cue to check on her and say "good night" before I left. I asked her if she wanted the fan left on and she said "yes," and after I turned out the light I tucked her in. She started to gently cry.

(Disclaimer: I have read enough to know that this very likely doesn't mean anything with regards to feelings for me, but is more likely a function of going through a very difficult time, dealing with guilt, loneliness, an inability to rekindle feelings for me, realization of the very real effects of D, the general pain of the situation, as well as countless other stimuli.)

I just lay down next to her and massaged her a little bit. (More context: She works a very physically demanding job and the stress from this along with mothering four children in a house with a father not present in his ideal role is very challenging...I can't even imagine. Tangentially, one of my 180's has been to give her less of this type of attention, but I thought an exception was appropriate in this case.) I didn't say a word, we just lay there in silence for maybe 45 minutes and then I covered her back up and told her to get some sleep. I then grabbed my chili and headed back to my apartment where I sit typing this out now.

Good night, all.

-tmd