Compliments & Passive Aggressiveness..Work to do!

[25yearsmlc]

Thanks for the quick responses guys! Let me address some things.

cbtdad, I'm actually doing something completely different to what I did during our marriage, and during the 2 months after BD. I am showing my wife that I am capable of emotional support, I am giving her the pursuing that she needs in order to feel special etc..

As far as what I am working on for myself, well being emotionally available is one of them. But also working on my 180s which i outlined earlier.

AnotherStander:

Yes my MIL was a WAS who married her AP. BUT, it was COMPLETELY different situation. The problem is my W is seeing that as proof that it CAN work. Here are the deferences:

I read all the differences and I agree, it was a COMPLETELY different situation. MY question is, why do you refer to it SO often?

I think it's b/c it's part of your arsenal of "arguments to convince wife/others that w ought to come back to me".

What matters/what you control, are your changes, not your analysis.

Please see that and discuss THOSE changes, instead of more essays. No offense SM, but you cannot "analyze" or think your way out of something that you thought/analyzed your way into!


1) MIL got pregnant at 17 and FIL is catholic and married her so the child (my wife) would not be an illegitimate child. We got married 9 years after dating and living with each and buying a house together.

2) MIL was unhappy the entire time in the marriage. FIL was verbally abusive to her, and she tried to commit suicide TWICE. My W has had none of that.

3) MIL was sexually abused by her step father when she was young and that messed her up completely. My W had somewhat of a stable home growing up.

4) MIL and her AP knew each other since they were little kids. He was almost FAMILY to her. They were neighbors, family were friends, and she knew him very VERY well and knew exactly what she was leaving her marriage for. My W does not know this OM at all, she assumes that it worked for her MOM so it will work for her.

My MIL has had this same discussion with my W the day after BD. She told her all of these things. But W doesn't want to listen to anyone right now, and if you are on the "wrong" side of her decision, she has already kicked you out of her life.

As far as shorter stay with OM, its not a huge sign. But Laurie did want me to note if that happens, because it might indicate she is choosing how to spend her time a little differently than before. It is all relative to the obssesive nature of the first 3 weeks of the A. She was over there ALL THE TIME. She messaged him ALL THE TIME. She was over there for 4 out of 7 nights in a week. To be down to just one night I think is a good thing right?

SM, no more poll taking. Seriously, you have a DB coach. Don't ask us if it's a good sign or a bad sign.

Please,

Just tell us how to help support YOUR CHANGES & 180s! Again, what are they??

1) Compliments that are sincere and specific...

and...what else?