Need to let go

[littleGTO]

Wow! I feel so loved on here! Thanks, ruby, labug, Tallula, PoN, Tori & bustin'!

ruby- Your advice really resonates for me. I do wonder if/when I could possibly be friends w H. But, based on your conditions I'M not ready just yet. His words can still pierce me.

For instance tonight he came over late (as he brought his dad home from the hospital) and he said he received a text he thought wasn't meant for him originally but then realized it was from one of my brothers. He asked if I wanted to read it which I did.

I can't repeat what it said here as my brother was basically calling him out for abandoning his family and refusing to "let me move on." I asked him if that was true- Had he moved on? He said, "I guess so, emotionally."

I have to stop asking questions that I don't want the answer to. (Not that I have done that much.)

I didn't respond, as I was afraid of what I might say, so I just said nothing. Conversation shifted, but after he left I feel to pieces about what he said.

PoN, thanks for clarifying what you meant. I understand what I NEED to do. And, I understand WHY I need to do what you've said.

Am going to my first "meet-up" w complete strangers to play indoor tennis Sat night. I told H I was going out & said that if he wanted to have the boys to sleepover he was welcome to.

He proceeded to aske what my plans were. Since last time he asked about my "secret plans" he got so upset I thought I'd try a different strategy to gauge his reaction (okay, I know I'm not suppose to care what his reaction is at all).

So, I told him what I was doing. He was a bit shocked, I think. He said, "You have some balls for going out to meet a bunch of people you don't even know. You'd better be ready to get attention you might not be looking for."

He called later to apologize to me (wow, a first) about a comment he had made about me not overseeing something one of the boys was supposed to do this morning & that I had said calmly "I'm doing the best that I can & I don't think you have any right to criticize."

He also said something again about the outing on Saturday but it was more on the lines of "I'm glad you are reaching out to connect w old friends and meet some new people." It sounded sincere....which for me hurt b/c it was like hearing "I don't give a $hit if you go out & meet some new guys. It will make me feel better."

Ahhhhhhhhhh!!! I know, detach, detach, detach!

Coming to the blanket, bustin!