Yeah, I'm not planning on bringing it up. History has shown that discussion doesn't go well. If she asks, I will answer, but outside of that, I'm not going to discuss it for the time being.
Originally Posted By: Mach1
What if you had something else to do ?????
Considering that. I already have plans for tomorrow and Sat, and possibly Wed, but today might be a good day for just me.
I'm always surprised when you mention your W forgetting about court dates.
Have you guys done any of the mediation stuff or is it just these court hearings? W says that we're supposed to do mediation after the next court settlement conference.
How did rest of your day go?
Personality is who the world sees, character is who you are
No mediation at this point...and really, I doubt we need it. Over the last couple of years, we've come to agreement on most things. I seriously doubt we fight about anything.
The rest of "my" day went great. I gave blood at our church and then went out for beers and dinner with my B and his W.
W didn't show up for the blood drive, and she didn't answer my text about it either. Three hours later, she's not home, hasn't communicated with me, nor the kids, so that's crappy. I know tomorrow is OM's bday, so I suspect there was some celebrating tonight...but who really knows. I still struggle with the idea that if work comes up, it takes 10 seconds to let me know plans have changed.
I feel like I'm changing gears a bit here, but I want to think on it a day or two before posting anything.
I haven't really engaged W since court Monday. She's made a few comments about me being mad at her and trying to be mean to her (taking the boys for sushi without her) which are all untrue. I have simply been going about my week focused on me, and I wanted to spend a little one on one time with each of the kids.
W asked me to ML yesterday morning and I think for the first time since BD I bowed out. I'm just not sure how I feel about it right now.
She has not mentioned court at all. Hasn't asked any questions, nothing. At this point I'm not sure if she knows about the trial date or not.
As to changing gears, we're so close to D now, I question why I continue to live like this. Yeah, it's a happy limbo...but it's still limbo. On one hand, we have a trial date and on the other, W is making future plans for us. On one hand, we ML and enjoy doing things together, on the other, she's still in contact with OM.
I am starting to think I need to do a few things here. First, draw a hard line with regards to OM and let her know that if he's in the picture, then I am not (and ask for transparency to validate). I'd be willing to agree to an exit strategy as it comes to business, but he's got to go for this to work long term. I'm going to assume here she's going say there's no change from her perspective, so second, I think I have to hire an attorney and get the paperwork finalized. Her attorney only addressed custody, and while we're not really disagreeing on anything, a lot hasn't been put to paper. Taking the lead on the D should remove that "power" she's seem to have over me regarding it.
Maybe she'll figure it out or maybe she won't, but at a minimum, this should end limbo. I'm still thinking thru this and trying to determine what feels right. I'm hesitant to even approach her with a discussion based on history, so I may need to flip it and start with the attorney.
Told W Friday night that I was not trying to hurt her feelings regarding the sushi dinner, but simply wanted to spend some time with the kids. This spiraled into a R discussion where she simply indicated she didn't feel any different. She said, "I'm just not getting over it" referring to her resentment of me not being a better H for the majority of our M. I said, "that's a choice you have," and she said, "ok, I'm choosing to not get over it."
At one point she accused me of dating since I have been going out a few nights a week and not telling her where I've gone. Then she flips it and says she knows I will do anything to keep this M together. She said she assumed once the house sold we would go our separate ways, but half the time she's talking about what we should buy next, so more mixed messages.
With regards to a hard line on the OM, it doesn't seem necessary. She doesn't have any interest in staying together so it's really a moot point. Regarding D, I will hire my attorney this week and bang out the rest of the paperwork. We'll have to discuss how finances will work for the period between D and house sale, but otherwise I think it's pretty straight forward.
I decided to go see my Dad and his W yesterday....went to a winery (neither of them had been). It was great fun. W texted a few times and then called me...felt like she was checking up on me.
On the drive home this morning I was thinking....my W really is my best friend. So for now, that is how I will treat her. She is an amazing woman, a great mom, and I couldn't have been luckier to have her in my life. She's taught me so much, and I feel sad that she won't forgive me, but I think it's time to move forward.
Breakdown, Sorry to hear that she can't let the past go and forgive. Mixed signals we get from our W's gets so old. At least you know you did everything humanly possible so no regrets
There's a lot in that last paragraph, remember it isn't over until you decide it is.
You've been an inspiration to me and a huge help with my own sitch. I wish and pray nothing but the best for you.
Personality is who the world sees, character is who you are
