Wow guys! I can't thank you all enough for the amount of responses I have received recently.
Sandi you are correct. My W had her BEST friend question her actions and W essentially told her she would appreciate not discussing the sitch any further and that it was none of her business.
Blake, it is encouraging to read that your sitch is improving. I really do need to get it through my thick skull to believe nothing they say and only half of what they do. All of the snooping, wondering, mind reading does wear me out. It stresses me to no end. I have got to figure out a way to stop it.
Sucker punch, you are right. Why would she talk to someone who didnt agree with her? Deep down, I guess I realize this but it just hurts.
Sailing, my W has told many more people than I have. I know how you feel. Every time I hear she has told someone else, it really upsets me. Not sure why it matters though.
Verygrateful, this IS driving me crazy. I agree that the result is just like snooping. I do need to focus on myself.
On to today: I had a good day at work today. I was upbeat and feeling good. W texted me about being called for a job interview. I am truly happy for her about this but on the flip side, her not having a good job is one of the main reasons that she has not left yet but not the only reason (if I can believe that). Those are her words not mine. She is miserable over her current working situation and has been for a long time. I think this is part of our demise. I was still feeling good until I got home. She was telling me about how awful work is and how she had to get out. I felt so bad for her. I just stared at her thinking how bad I just wanted to hold her and how much I love her. Now I am back to feeling sorry for myself again. It is so hard to be around her and look her in the face. I just love her.
I wanted to laugh at some of the repeatable motions of our "wacky waywards". I'm out of DB-land, I still do it in the relationship I'm in to an extent, but I think the nuetral position of DB'ing has prevented me from achieving as much penetration as I would like in this new relationship.
In any case, I was commenting because I noted that sometimes you get your confidence under you, and things feel fine and at other times you realize how much you love her and then you start to feel miserable.
You get your confidence under you when you start acting and looking at the situation from a single person perspective. With your interst at a high priority and not basing your selfview off of her perception and feedback of you.
You lose your confidence when you stop thinking about yourself, think about how much you love and miss her, perhaps you do some non-stop problem solving trying to figure out how to satiate her or get her to come back. You start looking at her up on a mountain.
You can't put her on a pedestal. Due to her actions you are essentially single. If you are to get back with her, she has to chooose you anyway.
So a no-more mr nice guy approach mixed with an approach of being successful with ladies and treating and taking care of yourself is the way you have to go. She has to choose you, remember that and you are single.
As long as she chooses to be in this position, you have to put yourself first. You also shouldn't be very reliable to this friend who is not being reliable or faithful to you. Everytime you do it you feel bad and your self image gets trashed.
Pretty simple huh?
So use your time to do some things you enjoy to do, take care of yourself, put you around people who like to be around you, do not think or talk about the "situation", maybe one day she will choose you and decide cheating is not her thing. But as long as you coddle her, as long as their is no penalty, as long as she doesn't loose anything why should she stop?
Many of us got stuck in the positions with our wacky waywards where we were supporting their lifestyle choice of having an affair on the marriage, because we are still dependable and responsive to them and still hold them at a high level of priority. So they literally get to have their cake and eat it to. They live in a fantasy land in these affairs, and when they literally get to have two spouses and both ar ok with it, and they cuckhold you against your will - it literally turns them into gods. It really does blow the ego up to epic proportions.
