Snodderly, you are right. In my sitch, pre-BD I was the assertive one, the dominant personality and W has said that that isn't working anymore (and I have learned that it wasn't exactly good for me, either). I do want her to lose the "parental" figure perception of me she has had. And any new R must be more balanced for both of us, because I rather like the changes I have made in letting people be responsible for their own stuff...neither of us want to return to the old imbalance, it has to be different than it was, so in my case, avoid too much assertiveness and continue letting her drive the dance.
kml, she did go to the Dr and restart on the wellbutrin, so by end of this week it should be built up enough to start being psychoactive. I have been telling her that a lot of this "sounds like depression talking" (I use "sounds like" so I don't come off as a know it all, that turns her off these days) and it seems to help her get more grounded. Now if we could just get some CBT or DBT thrown in...eh, baby steps...The good thing is that she is realizing how much depression is running through this.
So, after not responding to her emails, W did call me and we had a nice chat, though her voice might have belied a wee bit of worry, but I was just "me" myself so I think she calmed down and has moved forward for now.
Thinking more on the online stuff she shared...I have to realize that she DID tell me something, that she is trying to not hide, or lie. I could read that as she has been trying to stay away from it, but was having a strong pull back to escape her current discomfort...and she communicated that. And I get that, lord knows how many times I wanted to escape my hurt for a bit at my favorite remote mountain hot spring with a 12-pack these past 18 months, and I gave it serious consideration quite a few times...so I can choose to make allowances and just assume she is trying until I know otherwise.
This is a hard stage...be there, but not too much, etc.
I think I will let her know I'm available to talk more when I get home, as I can give her undivided attention better when I'm not at work.
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
