But I'm controlling, especially when I told him that I needed transparency & the FB defriend.
It's never "controlling" when you're merely stating what your boundaries are. If they are REAL BOUNDARIES OF PERSONAL INTEGRITY (and not just some tactic you're using), and they really ARE dealbreakers for you in a marriage . . . then wouldn't you be doing your own spouse a disservice if you didn't let them know?
Besides, when they're wayward (or recently wayward, and still screwed up chemically), SOMEBODY has to be the one to put some "controls" on the marital relationship, until they're acting more in the best interests of the marriage, don'tchathink?
