Gonna be different now, (butterfly in hurricane).

[25yearsmlc]

YOU WROTE:

I'll look up EE and LifeSpring, although I already booked sessions with the best C (apparently) in town.

First, who said you can't do both?
You're still trying to do the minimal amount of "work" to get your victory.

Second, You are not going to change enough or fast enough, even with the "best c in town" with hourly sessions weekly, or bi-weekly.

I don't believe You want to change YOU. You want the world/people around you to change for you.

The EE workshop I mentioned, (& LifeSpring) are "experiential" so there are exercises in it (as opposed to lectures), which are designed to reveal things to you about yourself. It's actual self discovery.

Carl Rogers, Carl Jung, Virginia Satir and other reknown psychoanalysts and therapists and philosophers helped create this in depth self discovery workshop, which also provides tools to change yourself.

You cannot edit or rehearse your answer. That is one of their biggest values, that and being in a safe environment. See EE's website and stop scoffing.

If you took what I said half as seriously as I meant it, you'd know that hourly sessions once a week will NOT shift your worldview or your paradigm OR teach you new behaviors, nearly enough and not fast enough for you to demonstrably change before your next court date or for your family. You need to learn new behaviors and you need tools for that. Period.

Instead, You will want to use your time in a therapist's office to talk about your pain and to ask for "fast track tactics" to get your wife back, or to pay less in support, or to look better in court, or something other than changing how you treat people in your life, and how you see yourself. Don't forget how you wanted things "back to normal by Christmas". You thought WE were ridiculous to say it would take more time than that.

IF you could see the truth, you'd realize the "work of life" is what we do every day, trying to be better people, backsliding but picking ourselves up again and dusting ourselves off, to begin anew each day,

= connecting at deeper levels with others, touching lives and being touched back...SOMETIMES not getting anything back, but the simple & soothing knowledge that we did something for another person that was good.

And being fine with that^^...


One question for those who have more experience : I try to sound relaxed and friendly on my emails to W.

You've been advised by people here, and me, to minimize/eliminate your contact with her until if and when SHE reaches out to you.

What is there to discuss? Pick up times? You were just suing each other. Use a third party as much as possible or discuss ONLY the factual matters at hand. If you must (and I'm pretty sure you'll do it anyhow) tell her only what he did that is relevant to HER life or time with him, eg., what he ate, nap time, etc.

It's normal to be annoyed when a child is returned tired (usally means "cranky") or dirty. Don't expect a grand welcome when you bring him home in a bad mood or without all his needs met.

Let HER make a comment or move for more information than that...you make it seem like a game you are playing with people's lives.

Will come across as fake so shortly after court?

YES it'll come across as fake, because it is fake. You are not relaxed or friendly to her. So ask yourself, if you can, how SHE will feel if you act in a way that no one else would trust is real.

"Friendly relaxed behavior" from you, around her now, would make her feel the way a fly feels when a spider approaches it smiling...& is about to pounce.


And because of the court trauma, how long do you think it'll take before W kind of takes it in and start responding normally or nicely again?

are you being serious with this^^ question?

There are so many things wrong and weird about this question, it's hard to know what to say. You're truly out of touch with what has happened to her.

1) "BECAUSE of the court trauma" (nothing you did) AND

you think She is 2) Not acting normal or nice towards YOU?

Read your posts!

You think "after she takes it in" Then she'll act "Normally & nicely again"? And You want to know how long it'll take...

Here is my answer.

She'll be loving, and "normal" and act "nicely" towards you WHEN:

YOU CHANGE the following:

how you treat her & other people,

and your outlook on life, and

...When you stop being negative or critical about her, her family, her country, the weather there, how uncultured they are, how bad the food is, how far away your family is,

& when you stop complaining about the costs of your son/her,

or how bad your life is now/then,

how nasty HER family is, how "crazy" or "abnormal"or "bitter/angry" SHE is,

how boring babies/ toddlers are/will be,

how weird/obsessive a mother SHE was/is,

how much work YOU have to do, how little work SHE has to do,

how unfair things are to YOU, and only you...

In short, when YOU start being the man she always deserved.

Which really may well mean, never. But that's all up to you.