Compliments & Passive Aggressiveness..Work to do!

[Tallula]

I think the position you speak of which is to take a stance and say no messaging with me while you are with OM is to be taken with a spouse who was CAUGHT in an affair, and doesn't seem to want to leave the marriage or the affair. The fact that they were caught and didn't CONFESS shows they maybe didnt want to get caught, and they are still interested in the marriage. Fence sitting as they say.

Ok, I don't really see the difference or why you read so much into it. My H confessed. My H has actually ended his A. But he still wanted to be FB friends with her and not be transparent. Yep, fence sitting.

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Now that may be what my W is doing, we speculate that this is what she is doing because there is no active effort to file for divorce, get a job, move out, or any of that. BUT, we have to go by what she said and did.
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There is no MAY BE about it. She is fence sitting.

SHE was honest with me at the start and told me about OM. She said she was confused, and needed to try this out. She said she had been unhappy for a while etc.. But then after some pressuring from me (before I read DR) she changed the tune to wanting a D.

My H confessed to. They are both still cheaters. Doesn't matter how you slice it. She is asking you to allow her to carry on an R with someone else while you wait around.

So I think Laurie is treating this like an exit Affair. A spouse who wants out of the relationship, whether we think she truely does or not. I need to work on convincing my W that I can be there for her emotionally, have her open up to me more, have her let her guard down and be comfortable talking to me.

That is what I'm working on to. You can still do that without being available to be there for her while she is staying at the OMs. The only reason I personally think that should be a boundary FOR YOU (doesn't need to be spoken to her, just don't text back a convo), is because then you spin and take this a some sign that 1.trouble is brewing 2. She is moving more towards you . etc. It makes you spin and look for a sign. Ask us if it's a sign, convince yourself it is. All the while, you are focused on W.

Someone once said on my old thread that the best situation for me would be if W started to tell me about issues in her A, or her "new" relationship as she says. But she will only do that if she views me as a friend, someone she is comfortable talking to. In any case, in my next phone session I will make sure I ask Laurie about this.

OMG, I would absolutely NOT allow your WIFE to talk to you about her R with OM. For real? That is just plain hurtful and disrepectful. I would certainly hope that she doesn't. I really hope that you would not allow that. What in the world are you going to ask Laurie about this?!