Compliments & Passive Aggressiveness..Work to do!

[SM34]

AnotherStander.

Another awesome and informative post from you! You certainly do make things clearer, and in a friendly way. Thanks for all your help!

SM, pay particular attention to number 4. You've got to drop the expectations!! It's clear from your posts that you're still scrutinizing your W for some kind of response every time you do anything, but especially with the compliments.

I am working on stopping this. I need to focus on being the best I can be, and let her have her space to work out what she is doing in her mind.

You know Starsky told me that the hardest thing he had to do is watch his wife make a huge mistake and watch her destroy her life. It is hard to watch that happen to the person you love the most in life. But as Starsky said, it is a necessary part of the journey. SHE has to realize it was not solving HER problems before she will be willing to work on the M.

Maybe you didn't mean it this way, but the above sounds like you're saying "So why should I bother complimenting her, because she's just going to deny the compliment is valid anyway."....Sometimes a compliment paid in passing is the most effective of all. You say it and move on with zero expectations.

I really didn't mean I will stop trying to compliment. I know deep inside they are getting through to her, even if only a little. But I just need to not be waiting for some reaction.

I'm sure 5 Love Languages was mentioned somewhere in your other thread, do you have it? Have you read it? It'll help a lot with learning about how to be specific in your compliments.

Yes I do have that book. Read it a while back at the beginning of my sitch but need to read it again now. I think I skimmed this WOA part because I focused on what I thought was W primary LL which is physical affection. I now understand that the physical affection on got to be a problem, and got moved up in importance on her list of needs, when the words of affirmation and compiments were not coming in enough.

I'm going to reread it this week, and focus on the parts that relate to compliments.