It is hard! To really detach and not overthink things you say. Labug is right, we got here by NOT thinking about what we were saying. But, the difference now is to not care how they react to what we do say. Like here is a great example. I've been really working on listening to my H. I tend to interupt, so now I really listen and don't say anything until I know he is done. Yesterday he told me that now sometimes when we talk, it seems like I'm not listening. I said, "well, I'm really listening and so I'm not interupting you and making sure you are done. If you feel this way in a conversation, can you let me know?" He got mad and said "NO! I'm not going to let you know." I simply said ok. Then he made a coment about how I seem distant because I don't text as much. But then I talk too much. But not enough...I'm being distant. This was in a 5 minute conversation. If I let this fester in my brain, I will be unable to move. I did let it fester a bit. The bottom line? Right now my H is a mess. Everything I do one minute has him wanting to move back in, 2 days later...he never misses me and we fight all the time. An hour later he texted me that I'm an amazing wife and mother. Yeah, if I take all this to heart and let fear take over, I'll be insane.
Work on you. Pull back. You are human. We will make mistakes. But, if you are truly working on you, then you are being you. You are enough. You are great!! If your H doesn't like that YOU, it's his los. But right now, this isn't YOU! You aren't allowing yourself to be you. Like MWD says, this isn't the real you. My sobbing mess of a self yesterday IS NOT THE REAL ME!! So, if I can only act happy around my H for 10 minutes, by God I will only be around him 10 minutes. I need to be honest with myself in the moment. You can do this!
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
