Compliments & Passive Aggressiveness..Work to do!

[SM34]

Gabbysmom if you are reading this I just wanted to comment on the fact that you don't understand why my coach would have me messaging W while she is with OM. I think I may have the answer but it is ONLY MY ANALYSIS and I might be wrong.

I think the position you speak of which is to take a stance and say no messaging with me while you are with OM is to be taken with a spouse who was CAUGHT in an affair, and doesn't seem to want to leave the marriage or the affair. The fact that they were caught and didn't CONFESS shows they maybe didnt want to get caught, and they are still interested in the marriage. Fence sitting as they say.

Now that may be what my W is doing, we speculate that this is what she is doing because there is no active effort to file for divorce, get a job, move out, or any of that. BUT, we have to go by what she said and did.

SHE was honest with me at the start and told me about OM. She said she was confused, and needed to try this out. She said she had been unhappy for a while etc.. But then after some pressuring from me (before I read DR) she changed the tune to wanting a D.

So I think Laurie is treating this like an exit Affair. A spouse who wants out of the relationship, whether we think she truely does or not. I need to work on convincing my W that I can be there for her emotionally, have her open up to me more, have her let her guard down and be comfortable talking to me.

Someone once said on my old thread that the best situation for me would be if W started to tell me about issues in her A, or her "new" relationship as she says. But she will only do that if she views me as a friend, someone she is comfortable talking to. In any case, in my next phone session I will make sure I ask Laurie about this.