Last year, my wife of began using a personal trainer (PT); a male. In the Fall time period, she said that she did not want to go to the gym together. It was her place to get away. I respected that. In November, there were emails to her trainer that dealt with song lyrics dealing with relationships. Another with a PDF of “Who Moved my Cheese”. In November, a text from a friend asking if she had talked to me yet about our relationship and lead me to ask what was going on. She said she was questioning our marriage and then later wanted to see a counselor. In December, two text with photos of him (clean). They stopped texting via normal modes and began using the chat part of Word with Friends so as to go undetected. Saw a few of their word games and a few text that got me suspicious. That suspicion played out with mid-day rendezvous at a dive motel. I know of three in the past 4 weeks that lasted from 2 to 3 hours. She is fallen for this guy who is 10 years younger. What she does not know is that this guy also is meeting someone else every week at a hotel across the street. Assume it to be another client.
Since late November, we were using a marriage counselor who actually lead me to reading Divorce Remedy. That said, my wife only agreed to 2 sessions with the counselor together. She went 9 time in total. I went 7 and she did help get to know who I am and what I want in life and learn on how to develop a great relationship as a result. She also directed me to this website. My wife has ALL of the traits of a MLC. What shocked me is her adultery. Like most, I would have never thought that it could happen. From the start, she was adamant that there was not other M in her relationship. W has said from the start of this low spot that she cares for me, loves me but…yes, you guest it, not in love with me. She has an empty feeling in her heart and needed time and space. I feel that she is prolonging this until she can find a job and somewhat support herself. Otherwise, she would be gone already. She is studying to be a PT but is not doing so very quickly. So, currently, she has given me the gift of time. However, I with the infidelity, I am not sure that I want to provide the gift of time and space without conditions.
I have not confronted my W about this yet. I have been doing everything I can to 180 and use the DB techniques. However, when it comes to adultery, one of my strongest traits is loyalty and family values.
I am at a crossroad and need advice. How do I confront her? I am all in for trying to save our relationship. I know that with time, I can heal but I am not willing to give this an open ended time line and not open to her continuing on with this guy. I also need to set some boundaries that would include (these may be more conditions than boundaries) 1) I will continue to pay for her PT if she changes trainers and gym’s. 2) No more sexting via Word with Friends at least not around me. My daughter caught her playing a game with him while we were on a family night out. 3) Agree to continue counseling together with emphasis on overcoming the infidelity.
