Do you have times where you feel like you want to plead and beg for your old wife to come back? I understand that if things work out a whole new relationship would need to be built and it's slow steps. So I know it's not best to fall back to old relationship because that is doomed. I'm just talking about the old wife's demeanor. Just more warmth. A sign that things will work out. I have seen on Sandi's posts not to look for that but sometimes (I am human) you want that so bad.
Beg and plead? No, not one bit. I learned from materials I found early on that that only pushes them away, so I showed very little of that behavior.
As for wanting signs that things will work out, heck yeah! Everyday!
You're right, the uncertainty is very painful. But here's the thing: Our W's don't know either! So that's why we can't press for answers and commitments: they can't give any right now. Every time we ask, we remind them that something is missing. It hurts them and can even drive them to re-bomb us. (Been there, done that)
Just convince yourself that by not seeking reassurances from W, that it's actually giving your M the best shot of success.
I know you guys have been doing MC, (for quite awhile now too) so you're discussing it every week. Yet she still can't give you any reassurances. This is why I posted in your thread that maybe you guys aren't ready for MC quite yet. I know your fear is that if you stop going, she's going to bolt. She won't. MC is not keeping her in the marriage, it may even be increasing the pressure on her. (and since you're pining for reassurances, it ain't doing much for you)
Like my wife and I, you guys are getting along civilly. Just let that roll for a while and accept it for now. No relationship talks. (I can't even remember our last one!) If she brings it up, maybe just say something like let's just see how things go for awhile. There is no need for a yes or no answer on the outcome of the M right now. It's not even possible.
Be friends, aim to have pleasant times together. Don't try to fix her or the M. Quietly work on yourself and she will notice. Let the reconnection happen naturally, it will take time.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
