Is it bad that you're here sharing feelings, venting, and figuring things out instead of only talking to her?
Telling her that's hurtful, seems like you're trying to control how she seeks help or who she talks to, and it's not really inappropriate. She needs people to lean on just like you do.
Try to give her more space, ok?
Grizz, I agree with Adinva here. As hard as this is for you (doesn't seem natural) it is best to encourage your W to talk to friends about the sitch. Just like you need to. Besides this website, do you have people (a support network) that you can talk to face-to-face? That is people that are supportive and caring and won't report to your wife.
When I say encourage I don't mean over do it but if she brings up talking to a particular friend just say "it's good you have friend for support". I did this with wife once and she reciprocated the comment.
Give space and just keep any conversations light. If she goes into R talks then go with it.
