Need to let go

[littleGTO]

Thanks, labug & Tallula & PoN,

Very thoughtful post labug. I appreciate you taking the time to really read and understand my sitch.

You are right that H and I are on different paths right now. And, who knows if they will ever converge again.

I do feel like I've changed over the past 8 months (since BD). I still have a long way to go though. Some parts of me are missing-like the strong, "gritty" me that was very much a part of who I was. I don't like that I feel weak and emotionally vulnerable so much. I don't like how I have to constantly question what I'm going to say to H and how I'm going to say it.

I know I am failing miserably in the GAL department. I will do better with this over time. My GALs mostly revolve around my boys. By choice. I know I need to start doing more things for me.

Some GALs- I did go out to bookstore on Saturday just to get a coffee and read by myself. Enjoyed myself a lot. Then GF came over to my house for a drink Sat night & to chat. Also, going to spend the whole day w FIL (on Wednesday)who is coming home from the hospital tomorrow.

PoN, how am I catering to him? Because I allow him to come to the house to see the boys? B/c I choose not to have boys go to his apartment (except one night)? I ask not to defend myself, b/c I truly am not see what I'm doing that I should not be doing!